ฮฑ a new reality -- a new hope ฮฑ
Posted: Sat, Oct 29, 2005 09:13:10 AM
well here i sit making up time from work this week, smoking a cigar, pondering the meaning of life. after all. the answer to LIFE, the UNIVERSE, and EVERYTHING is forty-two! or is it?!!
what i do know today is that i have once again come through a period of a few days where i was uncomfortable and what my friends like to say ‘twisted’ without using, without acting-out and with my relationships intact. so i have once again provided myself more evidence that the spiritual principles of a program of recovery do work. my reality today is different than it was yesterday and all the stuff i was having trouble resolving, was in the past.
there was some guilt and shame surrounding events that occurred over thirty years ago -- i could not forgive myself from detaching from reality and my family and not protecting my sister from events that i had no idea were occurring. after all i am the oldest and it was my job to be present and rescue everyone wasn't it? the answer to that question was and is NO WAY! i was where i was emotionally and without any semblance of a grip on reality then. now that i have taken the steps (literally) to forgive myself for being powerless and oblivious way back when, i can start to forgive all those involved and today my reality is that i am present and do my best to watch the back of those whom i love and respect.
my new reality is that i am only human and the only way to correct my deeds in the past is to let go, be present in the here and now and live for the day.
my new hope is that i can move forward and be who i need to be right now.
and the only way either of these are possible is through the process of the applying the spiritual principles i have been given in the here and now.
simple n'est-ce pas? of course! easy? well easier today than yesterday!
so off to the races and time to do what i am being paid for.
:) DT :)
what i do know today is that i have once again come through a period of a few days where i was uncomfortable and what my friends like to say ‘twisted’ without using, without acting-out and with my relationships intact. so i have once again provided myself more evidence that the spiritual principles of a program of recovery do work. my reality today is different than it was yesterday and all the stuff i was having trouble resolving, was in the past.
there was some guilt and shame surrounding events that occurred over thirty years ago -- i could not forgive myself from detaching from reality and my family and not protecting my sister from events that i had no idea were occurring. after all i am the oldest and it was my job to be present and rescue everyone wasn't it? the answer to that question was and is NO WAY! i was where i was emotionally and without any semblance of a grip on reality then. now that i have taken the steps (literally) to forgive myself for being powerless and oblivious way back when, i can start to forgive all those involved and today my reality is that i am present and do my best to watch the back of those whom i love and respect.
my new reality is that i am only human and the only way to correct my deeds in the past is to let go, be present in the here and now and live for the day.
my new hope is that i can move forward and be who i need to be right now.
and the only way either of these are possible is through the process of the applying the spiritual principles i have been given in the here and now.
simple n'est-ce pas? of course! easy? well easier today than yesterday!
so off to the races and time to do what i am being paid for.
:) DT :)