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is an idea that is far from new to me, but one i seem to avoid with a maximum amount of smoke, mirrors and jazz hands. if the past ten months or so are any indication of the next ten, i am certainly in for a very bumpy ride. my Mom has become physically challenged, my Dad died, i got a new job and i am adjusting to life out from under the shadow that has hid my true self for decades on end. if anything, i could use a bit of a “breather” from all this change and it does not look like that is coming to fruition any time soon, the breather that is. the reading this morning,m after seeing how mediocre my fantasy quarterback played last night, was a reminder that i am in this recovery gig, for the long haul and as a result change is to be expected, even when it does not appear to be happening. i can either accept that fact and integrate it into my everyday existence or i can rail against it and live as if i am pissing into the wind, whining about how wet i am getting.
life in my skin these days, is certainly more exciting and challenging than it has been. i know that change of any sort is inevitable and whining about the roller-coaster does little to make me feel any better, these days. the hardest fact i am having trouble incorporating into my daily story, is that i am worth being treated well. i am worth being respected. i am worth succeeding and i am worthy of allowing myself to be human. that means that just for today, i do not degrade, debase or diminish myself to cater to the image of who i once was, or who i think i want others to see me as. right here and right now? it is time to take care of myself, with a few miles of exercise. will my effort at physical fitness pay off in the end? i do not know, more importantly i do not care, today, it makes me feel better about who i am and certainly is not hurting me. just for today, i will be okay allowing myself to morph into what i have always wanted to be, a self-confident, genuine and whole person.

∞ DT ∞