Blog entry for:

soundness of my mind and heart. As I sit here in the coffee shop having a bit of breakfast I am all about what I will be doing in four hours. Two weeks ago I was here as well and in a hurry behind a line of soccer moms and their kids, wondering how I would ever get south bound again. That day did not turn out as I would have liked it, in fact I saw no one that I was planning to see, and although disappointed, I was far from being pissed off, but frustration was my watchword that day. The reading spoke of being in the present tense and here I am writing about the unknown face of the future and the immutable past, WTF!
Well, I have yet to have a total restoration of my mind or heart, in fact the only part of me that felt restored when I woke up in Colorado Springs this morning was my body and my spirit. So when cynicism sets in, I NEED to remember where I came from, the pit of quiet and denied desperation, remembering how much I fought this process from the very beginning and how much easier things became once I allowed myself to become assimilated into the fellowship and the program of recovery that is my home today. Yes, I have been assimilated and just as the Borg make physical, mental, and emotional changes to their members, so the fellowship has altered me. I may still get way out there, just as I was when I sat down to write this little ditty. As I pull myself back into the present tense, I can get the sense of gratitude that everything is okay, just the way it is. I got coffee and a breakfast sandwich in me, I have money in my pocket and the low tire pressure light on my dash has been fixed. I have no real obligations today, except to be true to myself and take care of the bidness I have chosen to initiate today.
Life in the here and now, certainly is an exercise in restoration especially since the rough edges have been removed and the years of patina are starting to come off, revealing the person I once may have been, but certainly am becoming. Today, right here and right now, I can be grateful that I am not a guest of the place I am going, as that more than likely would have been my fate. Today I can be grateful that in a few hours I will be in the presence of greatness -- the gathering of my fellowship for our annual celebration of recovery. Right here and right now, I am grateful that now I can hop in my car, fire up a stogie and amble on down to my next task. I need to rush, worry or hurry and if things do not work out, well I will burn that bridge when I get there. All in all, it looked like my inability to detect the restoration was because I was not looking for it. As the sun rises I find myself better focused, centered and ready to rock and roll, not lock and load.

∞ DT ∞