ฮผ the Twelve Steps are the specific directions i take in order to continue in recovery ฮผ
Posted: Sat, Oct 31, 2009 08:04:47 AM
the support i need to proceed with each step comes from FAITH in a Higher Power, as well as the belief that all will be well. so yes i am up far too early this morning, could not sleep and have hundreds of miles to go today before i sleep. certainly sounds dramatic, n’est-ce pas? i do like to venture into hyperbole every now and again, and that last statement while accurate is just an example of how i can and quite often did, twist the exact truth into something i wanted someone else to believe. that is a topic for another day, after all the reading was not about honesty but rather my continued relationship with a the POWER that keeps me clean.
this could turn into a discussion about my vision or lack thereof, of that POWER, and how it has changed over time, but all of that is old news that i have covered in the past. that train of thought while tempting and low hanging fruit is not at all germane to what i am feeling and thinking this morning. no. what i heard when i read this entry this morning is a journey in FAITH. i came in with none at all, and i have been hard-pressed to develop even the slightest modicum of FAITH without some sort of evidence, which is contrary to what the definition of FAITH itself, namely the belief in something without evidence of its existence. so living in state that is not quite as defined is something quite extraordinary for me. do i have FAITH that everything will work out? well, i have a bu=it of trouble accepting that at face value. i DO believe that i will be given whatever i NEED to stay clean today. i DO believe that i will be given the opportunity to ACQUIRE what i NEED today to further my journey in LIFE and RECOVERY. most importantly i DO believe that no matter what happens, i can either fight it, rail against it and whine about it, OR i can accept it as the way things are, right here and right now, and adjust mt world view to accommodate that new reality.
the person i am becoming is the person i have always wanted to be, and that person is by design that which a HIGHER POWER designed in the first place. the steps are my path to becoming that man, and i am grateful for and have FAITH in the POWER that drives that process towards its fruition. that small kernel is enough for me to continue to take the opportunity to recover just for today and move into the activities i need to get done today. so it is off to the showers and into the dawn’s early light.
this could turn into a discussion about my vision or lack thereof, of that POWER, and how it has changed over time, but all of that is old news that i have covered in the past. that train of thought while tempting and low hanging fruit is not at all germane to what i am feeling and thinking this morning. no. what i heard when i read this entry this morning is a journey in FAITH. i came in with none at all, and i have been hard-pressed to develop even the slightest modicum of FAITH without some sort of evidence, which is contrary to what the definition of FAITH itself, namely the belief in something without evidence of its existence. so living in state that is not quite as defined is something quite extraordinary for me. do i have FAITH that everything will work out? well, i have a bu=it of trouble accepting that at face value. i DO believe that i will be given whatever i NEED to stay clean today. i DO believe that i will be given the opportunity to ACQUIRE what i NEED today to further my journey in LIFE and RECOVERY. most importantly i DO believe that no matter what happens, i can either fight it, rail against it and whine about it, OR i can accept it as the way things are, right here and right now, and adjust mt world view to accommodate that new reality.
the person i am becoming is the person i have always wanted to be, and that person is by design that which a HIGHER POWER designed in the first place. the steps are my path to becoming that man, and i am grateful for and have FAITH in the POWER that drives that process towards its fruition. that small kernel is enough for me to continue to take the opportunity to recover just for today and move into the activities i need to get done today. so it is off to the showers and into the dawn’s early light.
∞ DT ∞