Blog entry for:

yes, i am in one of those modes today, back to the HIGHER POWERED mode. if you are confused by that last statement, do not worry, as understanding that, is not necessary to read on.
there was a time where the very mention of any reference to anything beyond this physical realm sent me off in tirades. these days, it is 0only certain terms that leave a distaste in my mouth from time to time. i can accept that i am powerless over addiction, mine, my nephew's, that of the men i sponsor and those in my life who i have grown close to. since i am powerless, and i do not want to spin down in hopelessness, i have to seek power from some outside source. sure, meddling and fixing other people may make me feel powerful, but that is the same as using, fleeting and illusory. no when it comes down to the very bottom line, i NEED to rely on a HIGHER POWER, which i choose to call the POWER that fuels my recovery. yes, that is a whole bunch of words to make a replacement for a three letter word that is distasteful to me this morning. when i am in this state, i NEED to accommodate my feelings, so i can continue to recover. i know what is going on, i am puzzled by why a 30 year old, who was make enormous strides in his life, chooses to end his life, when i spent a quarter of a century, using to the limits and yet made it out alive. here is where i usually here the whole mysterious ways and it is beyond my understanding why a loving…
so i fall back into my default mode. the POWER that fuels my recovery, does for me what i cannot do for myself. that POWER provides me the means to further my journey and become the man i have always wanted to be.i need not understand how that POWER works, or even what that POWER plans for me are in the here and now. i will learn what i need to learn by keeping my eyes and ears open and my mouth shut. i will get what i need if i am present for it, and any answers to those nagging questions will be revealed as needed as well. today with just a simple substitution, i can rely on something that does not have any of the garbage i brought with me from my childhood. that simple substitution allows me to live on a spiritual path and be okay with what i need to do, today. that substitution allows me to surrender my will and my life an into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery, hence allowing me another day of living the program. so with that in mind, it is time to hit the showers and head on down to Broomfield for another eight hours of work. it is a good day to recover and i am grateful, i need not be trapped by my past anymore, just for today.

∞ DT ∞