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Posted: Fri, Oct 31, 2014 07:55:38 AM
courage and willingness is my relationship with the POWER that fuels my recovery. hey, Don here, still not a GOD sort of guy, still writing about FAITH, Courage and my relationships with the divine, just so you know, before you stumble into something that may be well let's just say disturbing to your perceptions of how things work.
okay, all of that was just a juicy bit, to keep you reading, because if you are like me, well that was more enticing than repulsing. seriously though, i am really in a perplexed state of mind, trying to figure out the way things are going for me. sixty days ago? well i was comfortably ensconced in a job that was going nowhere and was not paying me what i thought i was entitled to. i was driving a paid off twelve year old car. the men i once sponsored who were out doing what using addicts do, would now again intersect in my life on social media. the world looked like change was finally slowed down to a crawl and i had had finally gotten to the point that i accepted that was my lot in life. it really was not bad, but not fantastic either. by looking for joy in my day and finding my reward for what i did, the ennui i felt was subsiding and i was okay, being where i was.
<BOOM>
all that has been tossed into the air and it is starting to settle down into a new pattern. i have made my first car payment, i am leaving that comfortable job for something new and challenging and one of my most recalcitrant ex-sponsees has said he has had enough. what does that all mean? well if i saw a full-on double rainbow, i might take it as a sign. what i see it as, is the POWER that fuels my recovery, doing for me, what i cannot or will not do for myself. as i spend some time getting STEP TEN'S new form finalized, i am seeing more and more that it not my will that is important. i can and often am, way too serious and if i end up at a meeting tonight with that repeat offender who has decided to step back into my life, it will have nothing to do with my will, my wants or my desires. no like everything else in my life today, i do not know what is lurking around the corner for me, and i am finally reaching the place, where i am ready to discover, whatever it is, when the time is ripe.
HMMMMMMMMMMMMM, sounds suspiciously like and ELEVENTH STEP to me! time to go make the donuts one last time, and tomorrow i will be unemployed for the first time in 3 years and i am not worried or unhappy about it.
okay, all of that was just a juicy bit, to keep you reading, because if you are like me, well that was more enticing than repulsing. seriously though, i am really in a perplexed state of mind, trying to figure out the way things are going for me. sixty days ago? well i was comfortably ensconced in a job that was going nowhere and was not paying me what i thought i was entitled to. i was driving a paid off twelve year old car. the men i once sponsored who were out doing what using addicts do, would now again intersect in my life on social media. the world looked like change was finally slowed down to a crawl and i had had finally gotten to the point that i accepted that was my lot in life. it really was not bad, but not fantastic either. by looking for joy in my day and finding my reward for what i did, the ennui i felt was subsiding and i was okay, being where i was.
<BOOM>
all that has been tossed into the air and it is starting to settle down into a new pattern. i have made my first car payment, i am leaving that comfortable job for something new and challenging and one of my most recalcitrant ex-sponsees has said he has had enough. what does that all mean? well if i saw a full-on double rainbow, i might take it as a sign. what i see it as, is the POWER that fuels my recovery, doing for me, what i cannot or will not do for myself. as i spend some time getting STEP TEN'S new form finalized, i am seeing more and more that it not my will that is important. i can and often am, way too serious and if i end up at a meeting tonight with that repeat offender who has decided to step back into my life, it will have nothing to do with my will, my wants or my desires. no like everything else in my life today, i do not know what is lurking around the corner for me, and i am finally reaching the place, where i am ready to discover, whatever it is, when the time is ripe.
HMMMMMMMMMMMMM, sounds suspiciously like and ELEVENTH STEP to me! time to go make the donuts one last time, and tomorrow i will be unemployed for the first time in 3 years and i am not worried or unhappy about it.
∞ DT ∞