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to be impossible to do for myself? there are, of course many things i lack the ability to accomplish, but what about those things that i CAN do and CHOOSE not to do? this sort of discussion, of course, boil\\s down to what i see my relationship with the POWER that fuels my recovery to be. before i go on about how that comes into play, there is an answer to a question that i have been asked more than once, since finding a spiritual path that fits me: “what about GOD🙻” my answer is simply the one that i heard from my sponsor, specifically: “GOD is GOD.” the simplicity of that statement fits well into my spiritual path requires no further explanation, justification or rationalization, it is what it is. that being said, how on Earth can i turn my will and my life over to something i choose not to define, if it is truly GOD that i am developing a relationship with, these days.
this is where i diverge from the well-trodden path of my peers. as i examine the relationship with the POWER that fuels my recovery, over the consecutive days clean, i have managed to somehow accumulate, i begin to get a glimpse of who i was and more importantly who i am today. the dependence upon a POWER to stay clean today is something i gratefully acknowledge and invite into my life,, through my daily application of STEPS ONE, TWO and THREE. being present for what is going on in my life allows me to see the opportunities to CHOOSE a better path and make corrections as necessary, throughout my daily travails. learning to stop and listen on a twice daily basis, keeps this addict on the straight and narrow, most of the time and when i find a$$ falling off, it usually is not because the world dealt me a tough hand. no life on life's terms may be tough, but i make it tougher by cratering to DESIRE it fits of self-will run riot. it was not GOD that made me buy into the two scams i chased after, that was me putting aside my natural distrust of something for nothing and convincing myself that regardless of the warning signs, i was on a safe and sound path, to getting something more. the opportunity i am getting, thanks to my delayed awakening is to learn how to live with less. after years of living large and having not a whole lot to show for it, i am seeing that the only one i was impressing was myself. if others paid attention to those things that i thought made me look better than i was feeling, i would be greatly surprised. it was my desire to “keep up with the Joneses” to feed my ego and make myself fell bigger and better than i thought i was and it led to my eventual downfall. was it GOD's will for me to get to this place? maybe. what i do believe and live b=y today, is that GOD's will or not, i am where i am and i NEED to pick up the pieces and move forward as in reality nothing is fVcked, just for today.

∞ DT ∞