Blog entry for:

with a Higher Power.
so year ago, i was about to take the first leap of FAITH, that i had taken i quite some time. although i still wonder, if this is really the path for me, i am not looking for anything different, just for today. what path, which path am i talking about? well that, my friends is subject to much interpretation and all of those various paths, i am obliquely referring to, are the product of a relationship that i have striven to build across the course of my recovery. okay, the fog needs to be lifted and i need to clarify a thing or two.
the relationship i am speaking of, is the one i have with the POWER that fuels my recovery. the path i was referring to at the top, is my career. where i am going, however probably has very little to do with my career and more with my journey over the past twelve months to arrive where i am today. honestly, i do miss heads-down development, and i am going to have to redevelop something in my spare time, to get my skills sharpened up again. i also sort of miss the days, when i could not feel or detect the presence or lack thereof of a POWER to fuel my recovery/ ignorance was quite blissful, and being one of the sheeple, parroting what they told me to say, and pretending to believe, insulated me from having to come to terms with what i believed and felt about the spiritual side of life. yes life as a parrot, at least in this respect was grand, but it wore on me, as i do not wear a parrot suit, comfortably. eventually, i have to start to think for myself, and regardless of the bromides that many of my peers, speak about, sometimes, my thoughts are my friends. in fact, more often than not, at least these days, i intuitively know and allow myself to feel, whatever it is that i need to feel right now. that is, however a bit of a digression. learning to feel my way, to a definition of my my current vision of the spiritual side of life, has been difficult and for me, once fraught with peril, as i have been told time and again, that as an addict, most of the time, what i am feeling is not real, or valid. to counter the voice that has got me where i am,, is quite a battle, and it is once again a leap of FAITH. i knew when i started this set of steps, things were not going to look the same on the other side. i am surprised by how different they do look today. where intuition and feelings once failed, they are now the forefront of how i live day to day. i finally get what my sponse tells me when he says, i have been working a program long enough that it is time to…
God is God, and the POWER that fuels my recover is just that, the POWER. i participate in a partnership with that POWER, and even though IT lacks ears and a mouth, i know what the POWER is guiding me towards, if i learn to listen to what i intuit and feel, in the present tense. right here and right now? it is time to wrap this up, say so long and head on out to my first task in the real world. it is after all, a great day to be awake, clean and seeing the world through the eyes of a POWER that has no eyes either.

∞ DT ∞