Blog entry for:

it is not often that i get to use a specific step as the seed for this little bit of prosaic prose. for this addict, it was not until the very last time i formally worked STEP ELEVEN that my spiritual self felt freed to grow. since that time, i find these days, i find myself looking forward to my twenty minutes of quiet, where up until that point, it was a chore. as much as i wanted to find the peace that that activity brings me today, i never could see it as anything but an exercise in futility. what finally changed was i stopped fighting and surrendered to what i always felt, instead of trying to deny what i felt and look like my peers.
this morning, as i try and cram as many of my “:morning” tasks into what is left of this morning, i get a sense of maybe i do not have to be so obsessive about getting stuff done, after all, what do i really have to do that is so important this afternoon. while it is true that this week at work has truly sucked and i had to work once again this morning. sitting in my home group and pounding this out, may not be exactly what the “doctor” called for, but i have made a decisions to get this posted and being present for one of my sponsees as he shares his experience, strength and hope.
well i am back. the great pontificator, is now sharing and the one thing i take away from when they share, is that i do not have to “over-think” anything, any more. as i stumbled through the years of “attempting” STEP ELEVEN, i was certainly guilty of over thinking what i was trying to do. the wall i put up between myself, my peers and the POWER that fuels my recovery, was not readily apparent. time and again, i told myself that i was different, but i needed to find the ways and means to be part of the “us” that is the fellowship. one of those means was to use “us” and “we” statements, instead of “you.” wall that did, was shift the responsibility of finding a spiritual path, on to those with home i shared my recovery journey. letting go to what i “though” was the path and allowing myself to “feel” that path, freed me from trying to paint my peers with the same heinous color, spiritually, i saw on myself. just for today, i can let go of what i think i need and seek that relationship with the POWER that fuels my recovery.

∞ DT ∞