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of my courage and willingness is my relationship with my HIGER POWER. sitting here thinking about that statement this morning was me going in all kinds of different directions. it is like i have never read this before, but what i believe is happening is i never read the word ‘relationsip’ before. like so many other people i often do not hear or read every word that is presented, i suffer from pre-conceived notions anything that challenges those ideas i tend to dismiss or ignore. so what i believed was that GOD was the source of my courage and willingness and that the relationship i had with GOD was irrelevant, hence the skip over.
that it is my relationship that is the source makes all kid of sense to me right now. after all GOD may be a reservoir of infinite courage and willingness but if i do not have a pipe into that reservoir i will die of thirst. that pipeline has to me my relationship with GOD. that source can be turned off consciously like tap water by me. that source can be blocked by my disease, as tree roots can disrupt the flow of water through pipes. and i can make that flow increase by allowing the connection to grow into a pipeline with a larger diameter.
my relationship with GOD has definitely changed over times and has been subject to the whims of my personal choice. there were days less than a year ago where i wanted nothing from GOD and shut-off the connection. it was not like i did not pray or meditate, on the contrary i did those things every day, but i did have the tap shut-off out of petulant anger. was this wise, probably not, but i came through that period clean and willing to once again accept the gifts GOD had to offer. will it happen again in the future? probably after all i am young in recovery and i have a disease whose apparent symptoms have been eliminated.
right here, right now, i am willing to accept whatever comes through the pipeline of my relationship with GOD, with the FAITH that it is what it needs to be today!
∞ DT ∞