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....i can call it the group, the program, or i can call it God. i choose to call IT, the POWER that fuels my recovery. honestly, i would not be upset in the least if the word GOD was removed from all our literature as well as the gender-specific pronoun used to replace the word GOD. i believe that part of what puts off many addicts struggling to find a way of life that does not includes the uncontrolled use of drugs, is the perception that our program and our fellowship has a religious agenda. i know i was certainly put off by that, even though my fellowship goes to great pains to separate itself from religious interpretations and had done so successfully as evidenced by our growth worldwide beyond the so-called ex-pat communities, the lingering suggestion is still quiet evident. i can hear the wail of anguish right now from those traditionalists screaming that i want to take GOD out of the program, which is not the case, i just GOD to be replaced by a loving HIGHER POWER, so that one more difference can be eliminated.
more than once i have sat in a meeting when a zealot of one religious flavor went on and on about what this HIGHER POWER was, how this HIGHER POWER worked in their lives, which is fine, HOWEVER, the next words to come out of their mouths are about how to access their particular HIGHER POWER and the path to my final salvation. what many do not get, even though our literature says unequivocally is that the right to choose a HIGHER POWER is absolute and irrevocable. which means that my notion of GOD stops at the end of my fingertips and any attempt to foist my notion of what this POWER may be, is a task to be left outside of the rooms of recovery PERIOD. this is not one of those dictates that i take lightly, as i understand what the effect of this can be on the perceptions of a newcomer and how this can affect their eventual acceptance of what we offer as an alternative to the horrors of active addiction.
so time to come down off my soapbox and talk about what this means to me personally. yes there is a power beyond my ken operating in the rooms and the fellowship that i call my recovery home. i do happen to believe tin the multiplicative power of human effort. this fellowship existed before i got here, and when i was ready offered me a way of living that was beyond my wildest dreams. i GET to stay clean today, and that was beyond my capability way back when. yes it is true, that i could probably have a glass of wine with a meal tonight, without ending up with a needle in my arm tomorrow but why would i cut myself off from the source of all that is good in my life. i am not talking about some spirit in the sky, but the spiritual light i have gotten from within, that was given to me from the members who were here when i got here. i really hate the cliché play the tape to the end, and i can tell you why. the final outcome of that first use is not really important, it is the effect of that FIRST use on my spiritual condition that is, after all if i can have a glass of wine, then my reasoning goes i can have a…
so for me it is the being cutoff from the spirit of my recovery that is the critical event and i have been told and have come to believe that occurs when i first use. i have felt that connection dim when i have had to take painkillers after surgery, and the loss and pain i felt in those times, only strengthens my resolve to stay clean just for today.
yes i can use the word GOD today, without any problem, i just prefer the POWER that fuels my recovery as it is a far better fit for me, today. life is a spiritual journey and i choose to make my spiritual home outside of the mainstream views of what the spiritual world looks like and you know what, that is my right as a recovering addict and as an citizen of the USA, and it is one i will fight for until i cannot fight anymore. anyhow, i am hearing that it is time to hit the streets and get running, today may have had a surprise or two as i got started, but i need not let it dictate how i feel about where i am going and what i need to do.

∞ DT ∞