Blog entry for:

that is where i started in developing my own understanding of God.
the group, the group, the group, that wonderful collection of addicts that are seeking recovery and a solution to the problems life may present them. well perhaps not solutions, but at least a better way of dealing with those bumps in the road. for me, as i have probably said or written more than once, my concept of a HIGHER POWER started with the group. i was less than willing to throw myself under the bus of recovery without some concrete examples of a physical HIGHER POWER. although any one addict may fail to live up to that concept, and honestly having FAITH in any human being to care for my will and my life is still beyond me, based on more than one bad experience, it has been my experience that as a collective the group and the fellowship that provides me the means to recover to this day, has yet to fail me. i could list all the ways that they fulfilled that role in my early and continuing recovery, but the reading has more than ample examples all of which were and still are true. no as a bit of a diver, i think i will go into how i used the group to fulfill the role of my HIGHER POWER and how it still does.
i was quite angry about being forced into recovery, way back when, and i was abusively vocal when expressing my displeasure. that very first group however did not ask me to leave and never return. no matter i pushed fro that outcome, after all if they had abandoned me to the gale force wind that pushed me into recovery, i would have had more than enough excuses to use. i did every thing i could imagine to get them to hate me, and to tell me never to come back. and it is true more than one member suggested that i might need to find a different path. the group as a whole always kept telling me to come back. members of that group kept trying to demonstrate their love for me by giving me hugs and actually caring how i felt, regardless of the ‘too cool for school act’ i was portraying. and eventually the power that was the group, took over and i became a member, one who struggled, but a member of that collective never the less. i became assimilated and for me resistance was futile. the group still provide for many of my needs, especially in my dark times, or when i think i am in conflict with the HIGHER POWER that keeps me clean. so the reading today reminds me that like everyone else in my life, i can take the group for granted and i have a sense of gratitude for my first group, that took care me until i was ready to accept more. and on that note back to the reality of work and working for myself, after all that group gave me the ability to do what i do toady to earn my daily bread!

∞ DT ∞