Blog entry for:

expectation of any sort of reward. humans are flawed, that is a fact. to expect any and all people in a group to act without expectation of a reward, would be setting oneself up for a big disappointment. the POWER the reading speaks of, is what happens when a recovering addicts come together to mutually support each other in their journeys out of active addiction.
speaking for myself, and myself only, i am not sure that i attend meetings or reach out to my peers in an altruistic manner, more than likely there is some pay-off for me, that i may or may not be consciously aware of, running around inside my head. that fact makes me feel grateful, that i am not the group, nor any sort of recovery guru or spiritual giant. i have been a poser often enough in my life and my recovery, that today, i am doing my best to become something more than a recovery shill. it certainly part of the reason i take such exception to those who are “all about the newcomer,” and always have a “positive report.” knowing who and what i am, i project those traits onto others, and instead of giving them the benefit of the doubt, i assume that they, like me, are trying to pump, preen and look good for their peers. the truth, as much as i hate to admit it, is perhaps they are sincere in their efforts, and it is me that has the problem.
that is the beauty of the group, the whole overwhelms my shortcomings and imperfections and i GET to participate as a member of that collective mindset, which for an addict that is struggling with coming to terms with a HIGHER POWER is certainly a great place to start.
time for me to go make the doughnuts.

∞ DT ∞