๐ฌ making a space ๐ฌ
Posted: Sat, Sep 26, 2026 08:17:53 AM
for others to to find recovery and grow, is the seed i took into the void with me this morning. this was one of those days, where the quiet was overwhelming and the rest of the world slipped away. what did not come from the depths was my reaction to working with the teammate i do not like. i am grateful for that, although he did surface on my walk with the dawg. what came up, is that i am tired of making accommodations for someone who will not take care of himself. that is my stuff and not his and i have to be the one that works through it. what came from the void this morning was a couple things: gratitude and resolve.
starting at the top, i feel grateful for the THIRD Tradition, as it has always been my favorite. a single test for membership, the desire to get clean. even though i denied having that desire for the first 18 months of my clean time, deep down, i knew that drugs were a problem that someday might kill me, but would keep me in a state of blah misery until they did. i knew i preferred to get high ever day and honestly believed that it was just me. those members who were in the rooms, in my early days, may have been a lot harsher about how this program works, but they never kicked me out or asked me if i HONESTLY had the desire to stop using, instead they said keep coming back. this fart down the line, i see how important that was to me, even when i did not want to be a member of the “the 12 Step cult.” as one can clearly see, i did just that, i kept coming back.
resolve is a bit different. what exactly am i resolving to do? i remember the early days of my actual recovery after my eighteen months of mere abstinence and what i felt. i was a triangular peg trying to fit into a square hole. i did not know how to fit in, what to do, who i could trust and how the fuck i was ever going to lose the desire to use, even though it was continually promised to me. those memories, drive my resolve to allow the newest of the new, to find a place, as i welcome them to our fellowship. many of my peers “twelve stomp” them, i choose to allow them to uncover whether or not they have any desire to come back and welcome them to do just that. i NEED to be me, as well as let them be themselves and my resolve is tied directly to the THIRD TRADITION, ANY desire to stop using is more than enough for membership.
with that on the top of my mind, it is time for me to take off for my home group and for the task i committed to doing. i will be welcoming and keep creating a space for others to find recovery.
starting at the top, i feel grateful for the THIRD Tradition, as it has always been my favorite. a single test for membership, the desire to get clean. even though i denied having that desire for the first 18 months of my clean time, deep down, i knew that drugs were a problem that someday might kill me, but would keep me in a state of blah misery until they did. i knew i preferred to get high ever day and honestly believed that it was just me. those members who were in the rooms, in my early days, may have been a lot harsher about how this program works, but they never kicked me out or asked me if i HONESTLY had the desire to stop using, instead they said keep coming back. this fart down the line, i see how important that was to me, even when i did not want to be a member of the “the 12 Step cult.” as one can clearly see, i did just that, i kept coming back.
resolve is a bit different. what exactly am i resolving to do? i remember the early days of my actual recovery after my eighteen months of mere abstinence and what i felt. i was a triangular peg trying to fit into a square hole. i did not know how to fit in, what to do, who i could trust and how the fuck i was ever going to lose the desire to use, even though it was continually promised to me. those memories, drive my resolve to allow the newest of the new, to find a place, as i welcome them to our fellowship. many of my peers “twelve stomp” them, i choose to allow them to uncover whether or not they have any desire to come back and welcome them to do just that. i NEED to be me, as well as let them be themselves and my resolve is tied directly to the THIRD TRADITION, ANY desire to stop using is more than enough for membership.
with that on the top of my mind, it is time for me to take off for my home group and for the task i committed to doing. i will be welcoming and keep creating a space for others to find recovery.
∞ DT ∞