Blog entry for:

that those with whom is share the world are just as important as i am, just for today anyhow. as i sort through this process of uncovering who i really am, humbly accepting my place in the world and my relative importance, has become one of those sticky wickets, as the trope goes. it feels as if this part of my journey is leading me into self-obsession, rather than freeing me from that state of being. more than likely, i am reacting to the FEAR i am facing on not being able to predict how finding my true self and living as that person will play out.
this morning, i almost feel as if i need to apologize for my post yesterday. almost means that after a nanosecond of consideration i decided that the was nothing in that post that requires an apology. the events of the past few months as well as my desire to find my “new skin,” as it were, have brought me to a place where compromising my values to “fit in” be politically correct, is no longer acceptable behavior. no matter how hard i attempt to move away from being Mr “All Man” to all people, there is still a lingering sense of dread about showing my “true” colors. what i am starting to get a sense of, is how to be myself, engage with others who may not share my values and not be unpleasant in that intercourse. the task i am setting for myself is to be passionate without being hurtful or hateful, as there is plenty of that coming from all around society. #WTYS
today, i am a bit sad, as it would have been the 86th anniversary of my Mom's birth. it has taken me eleven months to reach a place where i can admit that her passing has left a hole in my heart that cannon be filled. our relationship was far from ideal and the anger, rage and hurt i feel for her, is starting to resolve. i know she did the best she could with what she had and she was only human. even so, oops, here i go down the track of disparaging the dead. let me say this, my opinion of what kind of person she was, is not as stellar as that some of my other family members may hold. dumping my opinion here 🤮, may feel good, but it really does little to help me move on.
life moves on and the lesson i have learned this morning, as i sort out my feelings about this topic and my Mom, is that there is certainly a whole lot more of me to be revealed. i may never be totally freed from self-obsession and i can accept that as fact. i certainly may never figure out who i am in totality, BUT, the time to undertake that journey with perseverance and vigor has long since passed. just for today, i will be okay with a bit of self-obsession about my recovery journey and leave the rest being, at least in this here and now. 🤣

∞ DT ∞