Some memes

talent, or treasure will i contribute, to the fellowship that has given me this new manner of living? more importantly can i give without any expectations of return and with a sense of gratitude for what i have been given? as the days i have been clean pile up, i have a tendency to forget what it was that attracted me to recovery in general, and this fellowship specifically. i was far from grateful to find my ass landed in the rooms of recovery and less than pleased that even if i complied, got out of the clutches of the justice system and went back to “life,” i might once again find myself in places and situations that produced consequences i would find intolerable, and have to come crawling back to the rooms, as i had already witnessed from a few of my peers. no, i did not get what it meant to be a grateful addict and i certainly had nothing i wanted to give to what i saw as a “cult.”
i have to chuckle a bit when i peek back to those days and look at what i am these days. i may not have a job, i may have prostate cancer, but i have FAITH that everything will work out. i am doing the footwork and doing what i can to let go of results. even so, i am finding the ways and means to fill my days, some that advance my cause and some that are pure relaxation. today, it will be a mix of all of the above. i will give my time to any of my peers who ask for it. i may even go to a meeting here in town this evening, even though i have been full excuses why i would not go. i will be present for any opportunity that allows me to give back. ironically i know that just for today, i am grateful that i am awake enough to see what may come down the pike, it is after all a great day to be that grateful addict and have the desire to stay clean, no matter what.

∞ DT ∞