Some memes

how giving to the fellowship demonstrates my commitment to the program and gratitude for its impact on my life. ah yes, gratitude, self-support and how i give back. i am certainly not one of those who shows up once a year on my clean date and spew all the bon mots and clichés about how grateful i am for the fellowship, collect my key tag and disappear until next year. no, i show up for my home group every week and at least one other meeting. i share almost every single time and i serve my peers by being a part of something more. there was once a time when i thought that i was being taken for granted when i opened my home group for months on end, just to keep it alive and kicking. i fact, i was more than a bit resentful that no one else was stepping up. my sponsor at that time asked me what my expectations were and i said, “oh shit! that is the problem.” i was expecting my peers to step up, so i could slack off and they were not meeting my expectations. once i straightened myself out, spiritually, i saw that what i was doing was keeping my home group running and in return i was getting recovery from those members who showed up. i also realized that those who show up once a year to collect their keytag are doing all of us a service, showing me what i do not wish to be.
as i sat this morning and looked over the past week or so and saw all that my body has gone through, it is amazing that i still have the desire to be in recovery and not take a bit of a vacation, the twenty minute kind that is. in fact this morning, i feel pretty damn good, even with the residual pain of my dental adventure and my over training recovery moves. i feel well enough to do some tradition work with a peer at distance. i am not how this tradition sponsorship is going to go, but i am willing to give it a roll and be open-minded about it.
the other thing hat keeps popping off the stack is one of my customers has lied to me and spewed some racist bullshit. i really find that offensive and have come to a place where i treat him with quiet respect. he seems to be taken back by my distance, but has yet to ask why. i want to tell him what is going on, but my recovery program keeps my mouth zippered shut behind a kind smile and courteous customer service. the part of me that says let him have it, continues to loses to be kind, it costs me nothing. i serve at the pleasure of my employer and if i desire the position, i am sure that being kind is the way to go. in a sense that too is serving my fellowship, even when i practice anonymity in the work place. i can and will be better than i want to be, by remembering it is all about how i feel and not how i look, just for today.

∞ DT ∞