Some memes

separate hope from wishing or expectation, it stops feeling like such a setup. i am certainly one of those that has always had difficulty separating those three terms and as a result, i have problems expressing my hope in words or deeds. i am not one that believes in “manna from heaven” nor in manifesting what i want through positive thinking. the end result is that hope feels like a setup to me, or has up until recently. as i moved one from my THIRD STEP, there is a flicker of HOPE in me that i can finally start discarding the remnants of the lies that hobbled me for so long. this is not an expectation nor a wish, as i fully intend to doing the work necessary to free me from this particular set of behaviors and attitudes, as i no longer feel that i am worth beating myself up.
after a long day of driving yesterday, it feels nice to have little to do and to accomplish today. i puts=zed around all morning and now am sticking around the house to make sure my spouse is okay after her procedure today.. what that means is a very lazy day and and a even more chilling evening. i do have some errands to run, i am not hoping to find the time to do so, as i already know that i do have the time to do so.
part of my new way of living now includes working in the afternoon and evening two days a week, i am not ecstatic about that possibility, but i am not depressed by that reality either. i would love to make myself the victim here, but i chose to take on this new job and agreed to being willing to close. it is not as if i have a shit ton happening on Friday and Saturday nights, so in the famous world of Alfred E. Neuman: “What, me worry?”

∞ DT ∞