Some memes

over whenever i need to, is certainly a lesson that i have learned as a result of working a program of recovery. even when i was in active addiction, i was not one to blow my life up, just to start over. no my life was a train wreck in very slow-motion, in which i was in a state of denial. starting over, HELL NO, why would i do that, after all everything is just fine! yeah right! the truth is all its wonderful glorious details, was that i was alone, incapable of maintaining any relationships, living my life from one transaction to another and wondering if i was going to be the old man sitting on the porch of a long term care facility, smoking a joint, living on Medicaid and having no one left in the world who had any desire to be close to me. i thought that i had missed the bus that would have carried me into a “fuller” life.
my fall from that grace, as a result of legal issues, which were not really my fault, 🤣 i did have to start over again and as i examined my life, i saw that there was very little left to salvage. i did, however, throw away more than a few friendships and activities that were, looking back from this point, actually healthy for me and worth keeping. that ship has long past sailed away and i do regret the fact that i took the “new playmates” part of the newcomer suggestions a bit too far. there were other suggestions that took more than a long minute to set in, but one of them that stuck, was for me to develop a habit of daily recovery, to frame my day in spiritual principles. as a result of taking that one to heart, when i was diagnosed with melanoma, i did not stop by the nearest dispensary for a twenty minute vacation from my life. when my contract ended, i did not rail, wail, moan and gnash my teeth, i made arrangements and became one of those retired guys. which i am coming to enjoy to the max. not exactly starting over, but certainly symptoms of the resilience the program has afforded me.
right here and right now? well it bis time for me to start getting ready to face my day. a dawg walk, a meeting and closing tonight at a job i once felt i was ill-suited to do. it is true, i have yet to master the art of small talk and social interaction, but i am learning. just like everything else in my life that i *#8220;had to” learn on the fly, i am starting to get it. life in this just for today, is hardly heinous and i am becoming someone i never thought i could be, and that is strange and unusual. just for today, i will continue to live in a world where i am not waiting for the other shoe to drop, but if it does, i have the ways and means to deal with that, without blowing up my life.

∞ DT ∞