๐ซ pain is pain, ๐ซ
Posted: Sun, Mar 8, 2026 11:28:51 AM
no matter who i am or where i am in my recovery. i do not often finds myself waxing poetically over my **first world problems,** as like to call them. it is quite true that for the most part, my problems pale in comparison to those of the newest of the new except when they do not. my life is fairly stable these days and most to the toils and troubles i face are of my own making. some of the time, they actually arise out of step work when i stumble across something i had laid to rest a while ago. as the topic of the meeting yesterday was “mommy issues,” i got to revisit mine.
i can say, intellectually anyhow, that i forgive my Mom for what she did to me when i was five and across the course of my life. emotionally, i am not so sure. i know if i keep acting as if i forgive her, one day i actually will. the crux of the problem and the smoldering resentment here is, when i gave her the chance to apologize, take responsibility for her actions and ask forgiveness, she chose to deflect, minimize and deny. then she died without asking for my forgiveness and that got me all sorts of pissed off. that part has faded the part about having the opportunity and dismissing it as trivial, well that will end up on my resentment list. i finally have a real one to write about! 😁
the really are no real issues in my life today and for that i am grateful. i GET to choose how to live my life these days and dragging out the garbage, seems like the next correct thing to do, metaphorically that is. my next action to today is to get out of the house and find the ways and means to chill and prepare for what may be a FIFTH STEP to end all FIFTH STEPS from one on the men who call me their sponse. it is, however a great day to be clean, just for today.
i can say, intellectually anyhow, that i forgive my Mom for what she did to me when i was five and across the course of my life. emotionally, i am not so sure. i know if i keep acting as if i forgive her, one day i actually will. the crux of the problem and the smoldering resentment here is, when i gave her the chance to apologize, take responsibility for her actions and ask forgiveness, she chose to deflect, minimize and deny. then she died without asking for my forgiveness and that got me all sorts of pissed off. that part has faded the part about having the opportunity and dismissing it as trivial, well that will end up on my resentment list. i finally have a real one to write about! 😁
the really are no real issues in my life today and for that i am grateful. i GET to choose how to live my life these days and dragging out the garbage, seems like the next correct thing to do, metaphorically that is. my next action to today is to get out of the house and find the ways and means to chill and prepare for what may be a FIFTH STEP to end all FIFTH STEPS from one on the men who call me their sponse. it is, however a great day to be clean, just for today.
∞ DT ∞