Some memes

even though i would have never admitted it, i looked for the peace and safety i experience in recovery. i could have written about HOPE this morning, as one of my sources used that as its subject matter. simply put, i HOPE that the rest of the steps in this step cycle will lead to a place whee i do not hold myself or anyone else in contempt by default. was connection through the fellowship with an emphasis on Tradition Eight, we are addicts who serve because we are connected. a topic i have written about more than a few times lately. my thoughts on that this morning were along the lines of DUH, tell me something i do not already hold dear. which brought me to a random passage that is centered on spiritual awakening(s).
what came out as i read and listened to the quiet was not necessarily peace or safety, but more towards the freedom to follow my heart. that freedom comes from being well established in a program of recovery and it is that program that has removed any sense of abject fear of relapse from my conscious self. freed from being ever so vigilant about “slips” allows me to focus of parts of my life i find exciting, new or rediscovered. using AI to write little fantasies and turn them into vanity project works of fiction is one of those things. i have always had an active imagination and now i have a tool that i can direct to put it down into prose. who knows, i may actually get good enough that i can self-publish a work or two and make a buck. i am not, however, going to leave day job, such as it is. 🤣
is that a spiritual awakening? is it part of a spiritual awakening process? or is it simply living life to the best of my ability in a daily and active program of recovery? questions, questions and questions and the answers to any of hose are not world-shaking or even very relevant. for me, this whole notion of “A” spiritual awakening has been one that i question. not that i have not had my spirit awakened, that happened and keeps happening, it is this whole focus on that process or event, that the fellowship seems to keep circling around. for me, it just happen and more times than not, i never realize it, until after the fact, just par for my course. i stopped fretting over that a long, long time ago and the only reason it came up today, was my rando choice of seed for this morning. i am content to know that i am still building a life on spiritual principles and that is a life worth living and improving upon. the days of wishing i could be a recovery guru or a recovery saint are far behind me. i am happy just being an addict who lives a program of recovery and is learning how to do it better, just for today.

∞ DT ∞