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Posted: Tue, Sep 29, 2026 09:50:20 AM
door to a faith deep within that allows me to face adversity with serenity, when i allow myself to feel the POWER that fuels my recovery. two days in a row i go off the ranch, goodwill or just for today are great topics, but not for me today. ironically, the rando passage i found is about the prayer part of STEP ELEVEN, the one with which i am the least concerned. i am not a prayerful kind of guy, in fact i pray twice a day, asking for the power to stay clean today and if i stayed clean, expressing my gratitude for getting that power. whether or not i actually “believe” that some POWER or DIVINITY is out there to give me the power to stay clean is no longer relevant. for me, asking and thanking keeps me centered on the fact that me, by myself, cannot stay clean until noon.
the FAITH i am referring to in my opening is what sustains me. i have often wondered what my two daily prayers do for me and whether or not they are just superstition. ever since i moved into my spiritual path the notion of praying for stuff and getting that stuff, went by the wayside. yes i believe that there is a POWER that fuels my recovery. do i believe that POWER gives me stuff, NOPE! i also do not believe that POWER has a personal interest in me. i do believe that the ability to stay clean comes from accessing that POWER and getting all that i need on a daily basis, is because i pay attention to the world around me and look for and accept the opportunities to get what i need. in my world view there is no “Santa GOD” or manna from heaven. i do not walk this path alone and i have found that POWER is accessible to me at any time, i just have to reach out and touch it. where my peers might call that prayer, i call it paying attention. they do not realize that i get a whole of that power through them, what they say, how they act and how they choose to interact with me. more times than not, it is through them, i see what i need to see.
my relationship with my teammate is starting to become a bit more interesting. the last two times i worked with him, he mentioned what he was going out to get for dinner after closing. i am not sure what his intent was and did not reply. that is a good thing as i probably would have said you can afford fast food but… the litany of his sine moves forward from there and this morning i am not anywhere close to wasting my bandwidth on detailing them. what i do need to do, IMHO, is the next time he starts a conversation of any sort, is to reply in a noncommittal, neutral and courteous manner. perhaps that will give me the clues i need to stop demonizing him. work wise, i know how he works and have to accept that he is doing his job, whether or not he goes beyond the bare minimum. grooming wise, i need to accept that fast food is more important that a shower and clean clothes in his world. accepting those as facts and not putting a judgement value on them is nearly impossible for me, as it is so far from what i see as “normal” human desires. i cannot wrap my head around choosing to live in my car parked in a church parking lot when there are alternatives available to me. i am not walking in his shoes, so learning to discard “what i would do” and replace it with “this is what he CHOOSES to do” need t be the direction i need to move towards, just for today.
the FAITH i am referring to in my opening is what sustains me. i have often wondered what my two daily prayers do for me and whether or not they are just superstition. ever since i moved into my spiritual path the notion of praying for stuff and getting that stuff, went by the wayside. yes i believe that there is a POWER that fuels my recovery. do i believe that POWER gives me stuff, NOPE! i also do not believe that POWER has a personal interest in me. i do believe that the ability to stay clean comes from accessing that POWER and getting all that i need on a daily basis, is because i pay attention to the world around me and look for and accept the opportunities to get what i need. in my world view there is no “Santa GOD” or manna from heaven. i do not walk this path alone and i have found that POWER is accessible to me at any time, i just have to reach out and touch it. where my peers might call that prayer, i call it paying attention. they do not realize that i get a whole of that power through them, what they say, how they act and how they choose to interact with me. more times than not, it is through them, i see what i need to see.
my relationship with my teammate is starting to become a bit more interesting. the last two times i worked with him, he mentioned what he was going out to get for dinner after closing. i am not sure what his intent was and did not reply. that is a good thing as i probably would have said you can afford fast food but… the litany of his sine moves forward from there and this morning i am not anywhere close to wasting my bandwidth on detailing them. what i do need to do, IMHO, is the next time he starts a conversation of any sort, is to reply in a noncommittal, neutral and courteous manner. perhaps that will give me the clues i need to stop demonizing him. work wise, i know how he works and have to accept that he is doing his job, whether or not he goes beyond the bare minimum. grooming wise, i need to accept that fast food is more important that a shower and clean clothes in his world. accepting those as facts and not putting a judgement value on them is nearly impossible for me, as it is so far from what i see as “normal” human desires. i cannot wrap my head around choosing to live in my car parked in a church parking lot when there are alternatives available to me. i am not walking in his shoes, so learning to discard “what i would do” and replace it with “this is what he CHOOSES to do” need t be the direction i need to move towards, just for today.
∞ DT ∞