Some memes

back to the fellowship and my peers, the first gifts i got were the chance to stay clean and find a better way to live. i admit, as i have done in the past, that i was less than content to end my using life by becoming and staying clean. i was not about to commit to what i thought they were asking me to commit to and certainly not past my expiration date of getting off paper. i did not expect anything from those already in the rooms and certainly was not going to give anything of myself. i made coffee, cleaned ashtrays and cleaned up afterwards because it made me “look” good, and ironically that turned into behaving my way into better thinking. i had committed to serving the fellowship, long before i entered recovery.
these days, as was reveled as i came back to the living world, my commitment to recovery and the fellowship is just second nature to me. i “got” a whole lot more than the ways and means to live a life freed from active addiction and i “get” people in my life who care about me and will let me know when i step over the line. life without having the desire to use is great, finding the ways and means to become a man i can respect, find worthy and love, well that is just frosting on the cake and this cake i get to have and eat as well.
one more thing before i get ready for work. i am so glad that no one in this fellowship told me to try a bit of “controlled using” to test the fact that i am an addict. it is more than reason enough for me to be grateful for what i have, where i am and ironically possibly acquiring a new sponsee. what comes to pass will be revealed in time, but, just for today, i know what i am and i need not “experiment” to verify that reality.

∞ DT ∞