Blog entry for:

one of my favorite topics. i have heard and participated in gossip about members and have come to regret that behavior. i wish that i could say that today i never participate in gossip, alas that would be a lie. i do participate much less. Now for the juicy rationalization, most of the time when i participate in gossip it is in a sense of trying to help and discover how to be of help.

HAH!

i have seen the damage that gossip does to members, especially those in early recovery. and truthfully talking behind another member's back about what i think i know about them is just plain WRONG period.
in my active addiction was a tool for me to shore-up my non-existent self-esteem. the damage done with carefully placed information was my only motivation and of course the delight i received in seeing others people's hurt was beyond the ecstasy of using some days.
today i am not quite that sick and do my best to let GOD give me the things i need to feel good about myself, to prevent this behavior from recurring. when i open my mouth when talking to fellow members i try and get a sense of if what i am about to say is contributing to the solution or the problem and how i would feel if someone was saying something similar about me behind my back. this simple filter works when i am spiritually fit and living according to the principles of this program, but of course that is the ideal and i am only human. so i have to go back and make my amends as soon as possible after engaging in gossip either directly or indirectly and try to do better the next time.
i am so grateful for this program, that some embarrassment will not drive me out of the rooms, but i may adjust where i attend meetings for a time, to let the sting fade. i have that freedom today, although many of my fellows lack such freedom, so i will continue to do my best to make them feel welcome, and refrain from saying or doing anything that may embarrass another just for today!
-- DT --