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me accountable? i can certainly give all sorts of instances where my planning created situations where i dropped heavily into self-will, manipulation and hiding in plain sight. that was of course, when i was planning outcomes, rather than making plans and leaving the results up to whatever happens to be out there. more to the point of my source material, participating in service in my fellowship, certainly taught me to have a bit of integrity, and hence, certainly a whole lot more accountability. when i believed others were depending on me to show up and do something, i had to make plans to do just that. looking at today, for instance, even though i had a rough night dealing with the dawg and her digestion issues, i still planned to do my hike and open the meeting for my peers. i accomplished bot and sitting here, after lunch, i am ready to laze about and watch my alma mater play football, while i doze in and out.
what is on the top of my mind this afternoon, is the newcomer that has been attending my home group for the past month. he told us today, that after our meeting he feels like he needs a drink, because we are too “negative” for him. the reason i support that meeting, is because those that choose to share, share about the real details of their life, without necessarily putting a “positive” spin on their lives and their trials and tribulations. when i was getting clean, many of the meetings i attended focused on the “positive” side of life and i wondered if those people were for real and if they had ever really needed to use to make their lives acceptable to them. i quickly tired of the cliché riddled bumper sticker meetings and sought out what i thought was “real” life experience. eventually, i landed in a fellowship that gave me HOPE, as those who e=were there before me, showed me how to live a program of recovery, regardless of the curve-balls life threw at them. i have been known to be rather dark in what i share, so i am going to take our newcomer's advice and put a bit more sunlight in what i share.
what is really interesting is why he continues to show up, even when we present him with less than a positive spin on our lives. i know part of the reason is based on being able to show the court that he is doing “something.” for that i cannot judge him, as i was one of those guys, way back when. i also took issue with what was being presented and altered the readings to fit my own personal taste.i guess what bugs me the most, is how much i was like him when i got here, even though i did not live in a world where i needed affirmations, as i believed i loved myself and found myself worthy, when that was far from reality. what i am taking away from him right here and right now, is to wait him out, see if he keeps coming around and do nothing to discourage his desire to get clean, stay clean and find a new way to live, just for today.

∞ DT ∞