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but if i withdraw from the fellowship and isolate myself to avoid gossip, i rob myself of the love, friendship, and unparalleled experience with recovery that our fellow members have to offer.
gossip, when will those f*ckers learn that it is principles before their sh*tty personalities and start to live by the principles they have been given? oh yeah, i guess that includes me! one of the ways in which i act-out is to spread gossip about others, i am better than i used to be, although i still listen to all the juicy details, i am less apt to pass them on. HOWEVER, it does take two to tango, and by listening, i am also contributing to the problem. the worst part of it is, that gossip fills my need to build myself up at the expense of others, even if i am just ‘listening’!
so this reading, at least to me speaks on a couple of levels. i have been known to withdraw from the fellowship when i am the hot topic of discussion before and after meetings, after all, if i do not make an appearance, i can no longer be the ‘flavor’ of the moment. the gossip will quickly move on to someone else, the old out of sight, out of mind paradigm. on that level, the redoing speaks selfishly to me, accept the consequences of being a part of the fellowship, so that i can continue to receive the gifts that belonging has to offer. and as a matter of principle that is not a bad idea.
the level where this really hits me this morning, is to look directly at my behavior as i alluded to above. feeding my self-esteem by gathering information about how bad my peers are, is hardly a manner of living that i wish to ascribe to. it is a shortcut to a better self-image, and as such, it will lead me on detours off the spiritual track, that may make using look like an attractive alternative. so what i take away from the reading this morning, is there are better ways to build my self-esteem, and actively not participating in gossip, by stopping another in the act is what i NEED to work on today. yes, i may get a few looks of confusion, and will probably add to the gossip fuel about me being aloof and superior, but that is what it is. today i can practice a value based lifestyle, an the only reward i expect for doing so is the chance to make the decision to stay clean today. anything else would be a unrealistic expectation that can hardly be met in this lifetime. so off to get some more catching-up done and into the real world.

∞ DT ∞