โ the more secure i become with my personal program, the decisions i make, โ
Posted: Sat, Sep 23, 2006 10:30:48 AM
and the guidance i receive from a loving God, the less the opinions of others will concern me.
so although this reading is about gossip and the damage i can allow it to do to me and my program, to me it feels more like a reading about self-confidence and humility. one of the more troubling behaviors that i came to recovery with was the need to have the approval of everyone who happened to cross my path. this behavior manifested in judging myself through the eyes of others, and always believed that those people were always talking about me.
so learning how to live in the fishbowl of recovery has proved to be quite challenging for me. now one my greatest fears has come true, there may actually be people commenting on my behavior based on what they see and hear. so how do i deal with the gossip that may or may not be occurring about me. well first off i have to get over myself and remember that i am only human, with a full set of flaws, liabilities and assets. but more importantly, the rooms of recovery are not cured and have issues of their own, in fact many of them mirror the same stuff that i dislike in myself. secondly, i have to learn to accept myself instead of disliking what i have discovered through the process of recovery and what has yet to be uncovered. what i am feeling as i write this today is sense of gratitude that i have been reminded of what this is really all about -- LEARNING A NEW WAY TO LIVE! part of that process is learning how to accept myself and be confident that i am doing what i need to do today to continue the process. and if those around choose to gossip, it is in my best interest to refrain from the behavior of gossiping. after all, not everyone i happen to share recovery with have the tools to deal with their stuff being spread by others. am i okay with others sharing my shit? not really, but i too am still learning how to be comfortable living in a fishbowl.
so although this reading is about gossip and the damage i can allow it to do to me and my program, to me it feels more like a reading about self-confidence and humility. one of the more troubling behaviors that i came to recovery with was the need to have the approval of everyone who happened to cross my path. this behavior manifested in judging myself through the eyes of others, and always believed that those people were always talking about me.
so learning how to live in the fishbowl of recovery has proved to be quite challenging for me. now one my greatest fears has come true, there may actually be people commenting on my behavior based on what they see and hear. so how do i deal with the gossip that may or may not be occurring about me. well first off i have to get over myself and remember that i am only human, with a full set of flaws, liabilities and assets. but more importantly, the rooms of recovery are not cured and have issues of their own, in fact many of them mirror the same stuff that i dislike in myself. secondly, i have to learn to accept myself instead of disliking what i have discovered through the process of recovery and what has yet to be uncovered. what i am feeling as i write this today is sense of gratitude that i have been reminded of what this is really all about -- LEARNING A NEW WAY TO LIVE! part of that process is learning how to accept myself and be confident that i am doing what i need to do today to continue the process. and if those around choose to gossip, it is in my best interest to refrain from the behavior of gossiping. after all, not everyone i happen to share recovery with have the tools to deal with their stuff being spread by others. am i okay with others sharing my shit? not really, but i too am still learning how to be comfortable living in a fishbowl.
∞ DT ∞