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there are certainly days, when i am so freaking self-centered i think everyone is talking about me. believing myself to be the center of the universe and not showing up in my local orbit, of course means that i am the topic of every conversation and they are imagining all sorts of stuff about what i am up to. yes, i can get very sick in that manner and that illness can linger for quite some time, until i DO something about it. that something is more than likely to show-up at a meeting, call my sponsor or a closed-mouth friend or do my latest step work assignment. what i need to do is remember that where once upon a time i may have totally believed i was the bomb, these days, i generally trend towards. “just a garden variety addict.”
still focusing on me, because i am the center of my universe anyhow, when i start to “talk about” my peers, i have to look at my motives. of course i will ALWAYS say that it is out of love and concern for them. is that, however, the truth? maybe or maybe not. quite honestly if i had insight to my motives on a continuous basis and did not tell myself a story or two about my relative worth, i probably would be able to graduate and still never use again, for the rest of my life. the reality of the situation is that i am an addict, i am human and with both of those working me over in real-time., the fact that i may need to boost my self-esteem with a dig behind someone's back, is hardly surprising. what i look at, at least just for today, is the frequency of such behavior and in my not so humble opinion, it is trending downwards.
anyhow, time to hit the dusty trail for my Sunday Ticket, with a friend to root, root, root for our home team.

∞ DT ∞