Blog entry for:

more secure in who i am, the less what i think others think of me matters. i do have to admit, i still **like** when others talk about me, as that means, at least in that instant i have power over them. once again, proof that i am still an addict, even after a minute clean. that is a behavior i walked into the rooms with and one that has lasted all these days. it is not all bad news, however, as i no longer need to get “even” with those that trash me behind my back, by trashing them. my need to bring others down to my level has been diminished to being practically nil. it is not as if i do not consider that sort of action, i am not that “well”yet. when the notion pops up, as it does more often than i wish to admit, i make a choice of whether or not to exercise that option. having that choice is certainly an indicator that i am doing better than i want to give myself credit for being. 😄 moving on …
i have been commenting a whole lot lately about those who are so self-absorbed that they miss anything that is beyond their nose. unfortunately, that seems to be my fate -- a life filled with the self-absorbed. bitching about it here really does not seem to matter, as it feels as if i am speaking about anyone but them. no matter how many time i try to change how they are by “thinking it,” it is not going to make it so. when it comes to blame shifting and living in my own world, i seemed to have learn for the very best. unlike number 45, i cannot change the world by thinking about it, otherwise, i would have won the billion dollar Mega Millions prize a few weeks ago. nope, for me accepting what is, is so much better than looking for what may be.
what is real this morning, is my need to do the next right thing. so far that meant cleaning up a bunch of requests at work, even though i have been good at ignoring them, up until this point. what it also means is that today, my main task is to set myself up for working this weekend, by making sure i have done everything i need to do, before those that can provide some direction disappear into the ether for their weekend adventures. so it is off into the fog for some steps as i remember that maybe six miles is a bit far as my knee continues to heal from its meeting with the sidewalk a week ago. and yes, realize that others just may be doing the best that they can and perhaps living in a tiny little world of less that a few hundred square feet, does make one draw inwards, to protect themselves from the sadness of how far small their world has become.

∞ DT ∞