๐ช opening the door ๐ช
Posted: Fri, Feb 27, 2026 07:48:12 AM
to my recovery, through the admission and acceptance of my powerlessness. there are days when i do not feel that i am powerful and perhaps on those days, i may actually be correct. even though i know i am an addict and ask for the power to stay clean, just for today, from the POWER that fuels my recovery. the nature of my personal power, once i give up and surrender what i have no power over, is something i have explored many times in the past and certainly is something i can look at this morning.
in the past, being powerless was a great cop-out excuse for all sorts of my less than stellar behaviors. especially after a minute clean. i can almost forgive myself for playing the victim to powerlessness, back in those early days of my recovery, but to play that card these days, means that something else is going on. that something else, more than likely, has nothing to do with power but more than likely falls into the category of irresponsibility, blame-shifting or denial. finding myself in that sort of spot, gives me the desire to tap-dance my way through that discovery with a chain of platitudes, bon mots and clichés, and certainly not let anyone else in on what is going on. after all, how would it look for someone with my clean time and who purports to live a program of recovery to be acting out in addiction?
i do need to get rolling into my morning and look for the next right thing to do. today, it just happens to be a shower, a shave, pack a lunch. heat up some coffee and get my ass moving into work. that is taking responsibility for my life and my recovery today. i do have to admit that i felt a little surge of joy when one of my spouse's clients showed a bit of envy at how my life looks today. i made a financial decision that is leading to my freedom and she went the pother way and tied herself down until she is ninety. i may not have the best life and i may not be the most spiritual bulb in the pack, but today i am grateful that i took advantage and decided that paying more up front would free me in the future.
in the past, being powerless was a great cop-out excuse for all sorts of my less than stellar behaviors. especially after a minute clean. i can almost forgive myself for playing the victim to powerlessness, back in those early days of my recovery, but to play that card these days, means that something else is going on. that something else, more than likely, has nothing to do with power but more than likely falls into the category of irresponsibility, blame-shifting or denial. finding myself in that sort of spot, gives me the desire to tap-dance my way through that discovery with a chain of platitudes, bon mots and clichés, and certainly not let anyone else in on what is going on. after all, how would it look for someone with my clean time and who purports to live a program of recovery to be acting out in addiction?
i do need to get rolling into my morning and look for the next right thing to do. today, it just happens to be a shower, a shave, pack a lunch. heat up some coffee and get my ass moving into work. that is taking responsibility for my life and my recovery today. i do have to admit that i felt a little surge of joy when one of my spouse's clients showed a bit of envy at how my life looks today. i made a financial decision that is leading to my freedom and she went the pother way and tied herself down until she is ninety. i may not have the best life and i may not be the most spiritual bulb in the pack, but today i am grateful that i took advantage and decided that paying more up front would free me in the future.
∞ DT ∞