α i admit that I AM powerless over my addiction …
Posted: Tue, Jul 20, 2010 08:06:49 AM
that my life has become unmanageable, once again. well not really. i am just the sort of person who enjoys a bit of hyperbole from time to time. it is true, that i am smack dab in the middle of my FIRST STEP. it is also quite true that i am not working on my current writing assignment about my unmanageable life. this morning, neither of those seem all that important, there seems to be something else i need to be focusing in on, and what that something else, has yet to be revealed to my conscious self. what is the meaning of all of this, where am i going and what do i need to do? all of those questions, while apropos are not what i am going to concentrate on, instead i am going to go about what i have planned for this morning and allow myself to be open to what is going on inside and outside of me. it has been my experience that when i let go, instead of trying to grasp on to something that is just beyond my ken, i am rewarded by understanding and clarity.
so yes, there is power in the collective, just as the ‘borg’ assimilate entire species and civilizations, the assimilation process of the fellowship is all inclusive, swallowing whole, the recalcitrant addict, if allowed to. i know i resisted this process with all the might i had. noodling around with one fellowship or another,. pretending to get this gig, but always looking for the means to disqualify myself and stay a part of this collective. quite honestly i was scared that if i allowed myself to become part of the collective, i would lose who i am, and become just another one of those freaks i saw running this recovery show. what happened was that when i finally allowed myself to become a part of the fellowship, i started on this incredible journey into now. i gained the ability to be more than i ever dreamed possible, and the HOPE that anything could be possible, if allow for it.
this morning, i am using the stored knowledge of that collective to figure out what i need to figure out. that experience tells me to move forward, be present and listen for the voice of the POWER that provides thee source of our recovery. my answer will come, and perhaps it is nothing more than just do the next right thing. which looking towards the west, appears to be get my work out in before whatever weather that may or may not be coming down the pike sets in.
time to hit the ground running, literally and figuratively!
so yes, there is power in the collective, just as the ‘borg’ assimilate entire species and civilizations, the assimilation process of the fellowship is all inclusive, swallowing whole, the recalcitrant addict, if allowed to. i know i resisted this process with all the might i had. noodling around with one fellowship or another,. pretending to get this gig, but always looking for the means to disqualify myself and stay a part of this collective. quite honestly i was scared that if i allowed myself to become part of the collective, i would lose who i am, and become just another one of those freaks i saw running this recovery show. what happened was that when i finally allowed myself to become a part of the fellowship, i started on this incredible journey into now. i gained the ability to be more than i ever dreamed possible, and the HOPE that anything could be possible, if allow for it.
this morning, i am using the stored knowledge of that collective to figure out what i need to figure out. that experience tells me to move forward, be present and listen for the voice of the POWER that provides thee source of our recovery. my answer will come, and perhaps it is nothing more than just do the next right thing. which looking towards the west, appears to be get my work out in before whatever weather that may or may not be coming down the pike sets in.
time to hit the ground running, literally and figuratively!
∞ DT ∞