‡ i never ‡
Posted: Mon, Jul 20, 2015 07:34:57 AM
have to be alone with addiction again.
returning to reality, after a few days off is more than a little shock to the system, it truly feels as if i am dragging myself back to the battle after a well-deserved liberty, to borrow a term from my naval experience. the trip home, well it was not all that stellar, due to a thunderstorm over DIA, preventing us from taking off, and the fact that i had to come home and choose to get some work done before bedding down for the night. the silver lining as it were? i almost finished my book club book and today all i have is my yard work routine to catch-up on. which finally brings me back to the reading and what i heard this morning.
so, it is true, that the last meeting i went to was, over a week ago. on vacation, i hardly ever take a break to find a local meeting and perhaps that is far from a good example to set. i could justify and rationalize for hours about why or why not, but what good would it do, as it would not change the facts. the nice part, if there is any, is that i never once had the desire to dip my toe into the waters, that swirl around addiction, at least in the sense of doing a little bit of this or that, after all wine country was not that far away. the other nice part is that IF i needed to, i had the meeting list on my phone and could have and would have made a quick exit stage right, to find the nearest meeting, so i would not have to be alone with addiction. that is truly one of the benefits of recovery, the fact that even in a room full of strangers, i can be at home and share honestly that maybe, just maybe, i need a hand up from the pit of darkness i happen to find myself within, in that slice of time.
it is however, time to take a shower, go get our furry friend from her pet vacation and get on down the road to work. who knows what today may bring, but it certainly will not be the sh!t show it was way back when and for that i am quite grateful today.
returning to reality, after a few days off is more than a little shock to the system, it truly feels as if i am dragging myself back to the battle after a well-deserved liberty, to borrow a term from my naval experience. the trip home, well it was not all that stellar, due to a thunderstorm over DIA, preventing us from taking off, and the fact that i had to come home and choose to get some work done before bedding down for the night. the silver lining as it were? i almost finished my book club book and today all i have is my yard work routine to catch-up on. which finally brings me back to the reading and what i heard this morning.
so, it is true, that the last meeting i went to was, over a week ago. on vacation, i hardly ever take a break to find a local meeting and perhaps that is far from a good example to set. i could justify and rationalize for hours about why or why not, but what good would it do, as it would not change the facts. the nice part, if there is any, is that i never once had the desire to dip my toe into the waters, that swirl around addiction, at least in the sense of doing a little bit of this or that, after all wine country was not that far away. the other nice part is that IF i needed to, i had the meeting list on my phone and could have and would have made a quick exit stage right, to find the nearest meeting, so i would not have to be alone with addiction. that is truly one of the benefits of recovery, the fact that even in a room full of strangers, i can be at home and share honestly that maybe, just maybe, i need a hand up from the pit of darkness i happen to find myself within, in that slice of time.
it is however, time to take a shower, go get our furry friend from her pet vacation and get on down the road to work. who knows what today may bring, but it certainly will not be the sh!t show it was way back when and for that i am quite grateful today.
∞ DT ∞