Blog entry for:

over addiction. with the help of my peers in recovery and the POWER that fuels my recovery, i need not remain powerless. i had an interesting conversation yesterday with one of the men i sponsor. i asked if he had any men as friends and what he thought being friends meant. needless to say, what i believe friendship is and how he sees it, are quite different. the question was asked to set up an experience to get him to see what his current relationships look like in the light of day and if it works great, no expectations of any outcomes on my part. what happened during my 10TH step last night, was that i examined who i consider friends and what those relationships mean to me. ironically, as it often seems when i am speaking with my peers, i see that his answers, were mine, not all that long ago. one of the gifts of the steps for me, has been to give me the emotional language to express who i am and how i relate to the world around me.
i accept that i am an addict. i accept that i am powerless over my addiction. i accept that i am powerless over what others do and think, i do NOT accept that i have to remain powerless, as i do have a strong relationship with a HIGHER POWER and the FAITH that i will be given the opportunity to procure everything that i need today. part of the power i ask for, every morning, is the ability to stay clean today. today i have the desire for a new job and a re-fi on our home. the re-fi is in process and i have a quick follow-up with a recruiter this afternoon. the problem is one of timing. now that the re-fi is in process, i changing jobs among the many other activities that i am precluded from doing, as the paperwork grinds through the process. well i actually COULD, as that IS in my power, i WILL NOT, by choice, to keep the bankers happy to keep the money train rolling down the track. i can CHOOSE to see myself as powerless in this instance, or can i accept that even though i have power, exercising it may not be a prudent choice.
when it comes to addiction, however, i am not quite so fortunate. it is true, that this morning i CHOSE to stay clean and ask for the power to do so. i accepted that power form the POWER that fuels my recovery and a as result, i am not obsessing about when and how to get high. what is tripping all my triggers though is how am i going to explore new job opportunities while getting a piece of finances done? where i am ending up is that i need not worry. i have not even had a real interview yet, much less a job offer, so i guess i have to eat my own words of “wisdom” and surrender all of that intro the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery, plainly, simply and just for right now. speaking of jobs, it is time to wrap this up and head on down to the office, after all i still need to keep the paychecks rolling in as well.

∞ DT ∞