🤷 an admission, 🧬
Posted: Wed, Jul 20, 2022 06:58:48 AM
a statement acknowledging the truth of something. as resistant as i once was to the notion that i was an addict and i was powerless over addiction, today, i take no issue admitting that as the truth for me. here is where i start my whole gratitude gig, but this morning, although i am grateful for not having to walk through recovery by myself, gratitude was not what popped off the stack. in fact, ironically what i heard was all about acceptance of what is. BLAH -- BLAH -- BLAH. 😒 😐
i am far from content with many things in my life today. i could use this space to list them all, but to what end, that will not bring back my missing luggage with some of my favorite T-shirts nor will it make my life any less stressful, than it is. what it will do, is allow me to wallow in a pit of self-pity for a minute. self-pity, at least for this addict, is one of the least healthiest places in which to dwell. in fact, instead of whining about what i do not have, i went online and ordered a replacement. life in this addict's life really is not all that bad, even when i cynically look at all the stuff that is certainly not to my liking. the fact is i am not digging any new holes today, and perhaps a week of quarantine will help me get over my big bad self, in the relationships that are currently challenging my serenity.
today, i have work to do, research to do and a time to sit with a sponsee to talk through some of his stuff. i am feeling okay this morning, physically not quite at 10-0%, but emotionally and spiritually, not too shabby. yes i need to admit that not only am i powerless over addiction, i am also powerless over how others in my life behave. i am, however, not powerless over how i respond to their behaviors. one of the gifts that those who have walked this path before me, have given me, is the ability to pause and respond, rather that react and apologize. just for today, i am okay being a bit “slow” to respond, as i know that even in the short run, the results will be more to my liking. time to dress out and get out and about this morning, before the sun gets too high and the air warms up. yes, it is a good day to admit that i am an addict and can become unmanageable in a heartbeat.
i am far from content with many things in my life today. i could use this space to list them all, but to what end, that will not bring back my missing luggage with some of my favorite T-shirts nor will it make my life any less stressful, than it is. what it will do, is allow me to wallow in a pit of self-pity for a minute. self-pity, at least for this addict, is one of the least healthiest places in which to dwell. in fact, instead of whining about what i do not have, i went online and ordered a replacement. life in this addict's life really is not all that bad, even when i cynically look at all the stuff that is certainly not to my liking. the fact is i am not digging any new holes today, and perhaps a week of quarantine will help me get over my big bad self, in the relationships that are currently challenging my serenity.
today, i have work to do, research to do and a time to sit with a sponsee to talk through some of his stuff. i am feeling okay this morning, physically not quite at 10-0%, but emotionally and spiritually, not too shabby. yes i need to admit that not only am i powerless over addiction, i am also powerless over how others in my life behave. i am, however, not powerless over how i respond to their behaviors. one of the gifts that those who have walked this path before me, have given me, is the ability to pause and respond, rather that react and apologize. just for today, i am okay being a bit “slow” to respond, as i know that even in the short run, the results will be more to my liking. time to dress out and get out and about this morning, before the sun gets too high and the air warms up. yes, it is a good day to admit that i am an addict and can become unmanageable in a heartbeat.
∞ DT ∞