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i may miss out on something as essential to my recovery as breathing is to life itself. what spiritual truth, after all, there are all kinds of them. the reading homed in on in particular, on one that was difficult for me to accept for the longest time, namely that if allow a HIGHER POWER to care for my will and my life, IT would. the whole concept of mysterious and unseen, has always troubled me, even before i tired of all the pomp and circumstance that surrounded my religious upbringing and started to think that there was nothing really going on there, that i could not do for myself. over time that gnawing distrust and unease, certainly turned into an emotional reaction that turned me off of the whole “GOD” concept. so to pitch all those hard-one battles and accept any sort of ideas based on something unseen taking care of my will and my life, well it was quite stretch. that journey, as long and arduous as it was, has been thoroughly documented in the past, on this very site, so i need not recount it, today.
so what this means for me, is that i may or may not have been wrong about my beliefs, that is irrelevant today. i may have struggled to reach the place i am at, that too is without relevance today. today, i accept that there is a POWER that fuels my recovery, and that POWER provides me the OPPORTUNITIES to get everything i need. it is totally up to me, to wake up, smell the spiritual coffee, as it were and do the footwork to fill those needs. sometimes, getting my needs filled, is like manna from heaven, it just happens, i ask and BOOM, here it is. as nice as that is, when it happens, it does not happen all that much. no the way it seems to happen to me, i bump up against something i think i need, i apply the force of my will against it, i get stymied and frustrated, and finally i let go. i have discovered, and this is a discovery not an uncovery, that if i let go and the need is real, the path to obtaining it, is set in front of me. if it is only a want, well sometimes that path is there, sometimes, it takes a bit of looking in another direction and sometimes, it never shows up. those results are not up to me, what is up to me, is that i allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to actually care for my will and my life. as much as i believe i understand what is going on, as much as i think i know what is best for me, and as much as i have uncovered about myself, truly it is a drop in the proverbial bucket. my job is to ask and then pay attention, not a whole lot more to it. sure i could wrap it up in mystery as if it is some secret sauce. no i have absolutely grasp on an infinite and universal TRUTH, and to pretend otherwise makes me no different than when i walked into the rooms. i do know that SOMETHING gives me the power to stay clean today and every day i ask for that power, and what that something happens to be, well that is for deeper minds than mine. i a quite content to walk through my day just know that if i ask and if i allow it, i will be given all that i need today and yes, even some of the stuff i want. so i have some stuff to do, today, and i think i will start moving towards getting it done, after all, who know what opportunity is waiting around the corner for me, today.

∞ DT ∞