Blog entry for:

the spiritual truth that i can be cared for by a HIGHER POWER. a case in point is my current quest to be nicotine free. i am amazes how a cigar or two, on a daily basis, could have made me so nicotine dependent. here on the start of the fourth day of this particular phase of my journey, i know the fact i have not caved and gone out a smoked any form of tobacco, is a testament to the power of the POWER that fuels my recovery. left to my own devices, yesterday this whole journey would have come to an end as i said f*ck it and stopped off at the first purveyor of this particular poison i drove past. this morning i accept that i require more than a little bit of help in this regard, in fact i require the care of a POWER greater than i am, to get me through this day. the $1200 that will be in my pockets one month at a time, starting in January, is hardly motivation enough.
no weird dreams from my days before recovery last night, but certainly a sense of determination after attending a couple of meetings last night. i really do not relish playing the recovery cop and in the service setting, i generally do not put that hat on. last night, in both the meetings i found it “put on my heart” to share about what recovery is and is not, according to what has been written down my those who came before me. in my service commitment, i often go there, referring to what is written very obliquely, as i do not want to chase away those who choose to show up. i probably sounded far too preachy, but i have no regrets about reminding those who did show up what this way of life is all about. in the second meeting i felt the need, or maybe it was the desire, to “step up” and stop the cross talk between the newcomers, who felt the need to “fill” those moments of “awkward” silence. i happen to like the “pauses” that occur in meetings, but that i my stuff and i understand that my newest peers, do not “get” that the “commas and semi-colons” that punctuate a meeting do serve a purpose. i know i was more than a little bit preachy in that particular share, but my peers stepped in afterwards and the meeting became focused on what recovery was and how we stay clean, instead of a group therapy session. i was given the grace, however, to keep my share focused on me and did not tell anyone else how they should do this gig. as i sat last night and reviewed my day, i felt a certainty that what i shared contributed to the solution, although the presentation was not as palatable as i would have desired it to be, it was: flavorful but abrupt and choppy.
this morning, as i prepare to head on out to work, i will take an extra moment to pause and allow the POWER that fuels my recovery, to give me the strength to once again avoid all forms of nicotine ingestion and allow me the freedom to walk through today, without the desire to fill that physical craving, just for today.

∞ DT ∞