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written so simply that i can apply them in my daily life! i was put into an in interesting situation yesterday afternoon and it still has me reeling. a peer, with whom i have been close to over the course of my recovery, got all bent because i was not instantly available to answer their **computer** question. although they did not express that, two phone calls, a voice mail and two txts, while i was out getting my miles in, certainly seems to indicate that they had expectations, in fact one of those missives for my attention, spoke to the notion that i “usually” reply back, much faster. of course they attempted to wrap the whole interaction with a shit-ton of spiritual camouflage, in what felt like feigned courtesy, on which i did not bite. it was all about their needs and they never actually ever seem to call, just to say hi and check in with me. in fact, for the most part, any “friendly” interactions of actual concern, are almost always initiated by me. the fact that had to ask if the owed and “amends” to me, because i was “frosty” on the phone, indicated that perhaps they might have a clue or two.
what i took away from that little piece of nothingness, was that it is my responsibility to reach out to my friends in these plague times and not expect any sort of “favor” or anything in return. if they respond, they respond, if not, that is okay as well, as i have no clue what they are in the process of doing. what i do know, as indicated by what i felt yesterday, was that it is my job to listen to the voice of the POWER that fuels my recovery and allow my actions to be guided by that quiet direction. if i want friends, i have to be friendly. if i want respect, i have to be respectful and if i want intimacy, i have to allow others into my life. it is no different than putting in the miles, i need to be physically fit.
when i go a layer deeper, i can certainly say that the POWER that fuels my recovery is caring for me. gauging the way i felt yesterday, opened me up to peek at how i am treating others. i really never expect my acquaintance to admit where they were wrong, but no matter what, they will be in my thoughts as i pound the pavement this morning. what i also realize id that i too, have people in my life that i get “stuff” from, even if i am not friends with them. i also have expectations of my peers in recovery and some of the time, they will certainly fall short, just as i do. the real value in living in the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery, is i can address those places i behave in a less than stellar manner, in near real-time and own what i did or did not do. on that very happy note, i think i will wrap this up and get some miles down.

∞ DT ∞