Blog entry for:

i will be taken into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery. i have to admit it, this morning i am having trouble getting started on putting into words what i am feeling. looking back at my post from last year, i see the event that caused the rift between myself and a friend who is now dead. because i chose to sweep that under the spiritual carpet, they never had the opportunity to make things right between us, even though they made an attempt to do just that. once again i am struggling with a bit of remorse and using that as a distraction to what is really going on, my FEAR that i will not be able to improve enough in the next thirty days to keep my job and i will be discarded into the unemployment bin, with no future. living under that sort of cloud is not a condition i relish and the reading this morning was more than adequate to remind me that i do have a POWER that fuels my recovery and that POWER has always provided what i needed, in real time. it is up to me to ask for and accept the care of the POWER.
now that i have written it down, some of the FEAR and angst i was feeling is starting to fade. i know that part of my issue with work, is that i am used to not doing that much work. over the course of the past years, i have gotten lazy and spend more time on the internet than i need to. i tell myself i need a break, when it seems that some days, work is my break from goofing off. now that i have to sign a plan that makes me accountable, it is up to me to do what i need to do, to be accountable. honestly i want to scream at my boss and ask whether or not they know who the fVck i am. as absurd as that sounds, it is spot on for what i am feeling. as a result, i know that i have to take matters into my own hands and work harder, more diligently and certainly with less dives into Twitter and FaceBook, during the day. i want to succeed at this position. i do not believe that the POWER that fuels my recovery put me here to fail, that is all on me. IF i want more in this life, i need to pay attention to what is going on and respond accordingly. just for today, that means, getting my work done. spending my down time making myself a better employee and allowing myself the FREEDOM to reach for the power i need today, to be who i am going to be.

∞ DT ∞