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are firmly secured in recovery, i tend to find the flexibility i need. i have written many time about being flexible and bending in wind the storms of life, rather than being stoic and rigid. as i sit in the cigar store enjoying the company and CU football, i can see that the past year had more than enough foul breezes and gale force winds to topple me over: s serious leg injury that limited my mobility, the death of my Mom, the death of one of my Uncle Dick, the death of my Aunt Judy, the view from the top of Africa, a Stage 2A melanoma removal and a disturbing genetic test. through all of that, i remembered that a 20 minute vacation from recovery would not bring the relief from life that i desired, as all of those would not magically disappear, as i once believed, way back when i was using. magical thinking has been removed as a gift or maybe a curse of recovery.
as i satin the void this morning, feeling the comfort of being in my own home with very little to accomplish, i felt a sense of gratitude for the life that i have created over the course of my recovery. i got to get through all of that, clean and i get to uncover the true nature of who i really am, after freeing myself from the prison of being who i never was. connecting with my Chicago cousins, is probably not going to build into the connection i have with my Montana cousins. i will not be the cause of that less than stellar outcome, but i also know that i have no power whether they will reciprocate. my side of the street is to keep up the txts and allow them the freedom to respond as they will, judgement free.
it is time however, to post this little exercise and allow myself the freedom to watch football without any distractions. life is calm today as i have started my move out of my previous medical providers, into one that will give me the care i desire for at least the next year. i am not going to allow myself to be defined by any one part of who i am. as i continue my journey into becoming who i may have been a very long time ado, i will be present for what is going on inside me as well as around me, just for today.

∞ DT ∞