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okay, one thing i really find annoying is that i often hear my peers sharing about their GOD or their HIGHER POWER. it is not them sharing that feels so wrong to me, it is thew possessive nature of how they are using the language. in my spiritual view i am OF my HIGHER POWER and not the other way around. with that little clarifying tirade out of the way, i can move into the actual subject matter of what i heard this morning.
as i sat quietly, the first thing that struck me, is what was i doing lately. have i been forcing my will on situations? walking in unbridled fear of what may or may not be coming down the pike? or remorse over missed opportunities and chances due to living in a substance induced fog? certainly an interesting set of of questions for any recovering person, even after some time clean. all of those i can answer the same: yes, every single day, for at least a minute or two.
after fifteen minutes of stressing over my fantasy football team and who to start, it is time to get back to this task. the truth is, i am actually powerless over how those i choose to play, will play and if i do not win this week and next, i will be done with fantasy football for the season. that i guess, is how it is supposed to be, i made a few bad choices in the early going, and in the middle of the season when i could have been winning, i ended up losing.
all of that, however has nothing to do with the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, nor with me turning over my will and life into the care of that POWER. even though this is NOT a third step reading for me this morning it does go to the heart of my FAITH and how i see the care of that POWER being manifest within my life. it is quite true i have a bit of stage fright about seeing my sponse tomorrow evening and i am wondering if i have really “felt” to the place of being able to “elevator pitch” my spiritual vision, or better put, my vision of the spiritual path as it is right here and right now. i am worried about my parents and their business. my brothers and sisters that are caught in all sorts of chaos and a sponsee or two, who feel like they are struggling to find some footing on their spiritual paths. and not being p[resent means that now i have to replace my driver's side rear view mirror, which was not part of my plan.
well with that in mind, especially the lesson of being caught up in the two minutes ago or the five minutes ahead, i am going to be grateful that i can own my mistakes, costly as they are some times, and be better about looking for the spiritual part of the here and now. life is good today and i am now ready to go face it it once again, head on. perhaps if i commit to the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery, things will work out as they need to, and i might actually be pleased with the results.

∞ DT ∞