🧹 by clearing up 🧳
Posted: Mon, Jul 21, 2025 10:41:11 AM
some of the confusion and contradiction in my life, i can move forward with less of the baggage i brought in with me. trust me when i say, i brought a shit ton of baggage with me and most f it was the shit i made up about myself, the people around me and the world in general. the worst part of it all was that i wholeheartedly believed all of it, lock, stock and barrel, even when i knew i was more than likely incorrect. i had my own “alternate facts” world spinning in my head and no one and nothing was ever going to change that.
lo and behold, i got clean, stayed clean, reached a point in my life where desperation drove me to seek out something different and i started to see that perhaps, just maybe, i needed a few revisions in my personality, in my belief structure and how i saw my place in the world. as resistant as i still am to change, i am grateful that i became just willing enough to consider a few new possibilities. i was hardly struck clean or totally willing, but i had exactly as much willingness and open-mindedness that i needed to start my journey into healing and begin to drop my garbage along in the nearest shit can.
at this point in that journey, as i heal from the decades of damage that inflicted upon myself, i am ready to see things in a new and different light. learning to judge behavior and not the actor, is a HUGE step in becoming discerning. the first step towards that, is to see y behavior as just that, a behavior and not necessarily a comment on how messed up i am. falling back into the i am only human and what did you expect, i am an addict after all, justifications, may soothe over the rough spots, but it does not give me the impetus to change. beating myself up because i behave in this or that manner, does little to further that process either. the balance i seek, is somewhere between those two extremes and i have FAITH that as i seek it, the path towards it will be revealed. just for today, i will take care of my stuff and see where i can go.
lo and behold, i got clean, stayed clean, reached a point in my life where desperation drove me to seek out something different and i started to see that perhaps, just maybe, i needed a few revisions in my personality, in my belief structure and how i saw my place in the world. as resistant as i still am to change, i am grateful that i became just willing enough to consider a few new possibilities. i was hardly struck clean or totally willing, but i had exactly as much willingness and open-mindedness that i needed to start my journey into healing and begin to drop my garbage along in the nearest shit can.
at this point in that journey, as i heal from the decades of damage that inflicted upon myself, i am ready to see things in a new and different light. learning to judge behavior and not the actor, is a HUGE step in becoming discerning. the first step towards that, is to see y behavior as just that, a behavior and not necessarily a comment on how messed up i am. falling back into the i am only human and what did you expect, i am an addict after all, justifications, may soothe over the rough spots, but it does not give me the impetus to change. beating myself up because i behave in this or that manner, does little to further that process either. the balance i seek, is somewhere between those two extremes and i have FAITH that as i seek it, the path towards it will be revealed. just for today, i will take care of my stuff and see where i can go.
∞ DT ∞