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greater power, by surrendering has always seemed so counter-intuitive to me. there are many examples in my life and yet i still chafe at the notion of surrendering to win. when i finally gave up on the idea that providing health advice to someone who is certain that they “know” better, i got a sense of serenity that i had lacked since my Dad died. finally i could accept that no matter what choices they made, i was not going to use, nor was i going to die. they certainly can choose to fade into the sunset, dependent on the kindness of others to provide for their daily sustenance and it is no longer my stuff. do i jump for joy over their apparent lack of concern for taking care of themselves? not at all, but there is nothing i can do, as i have applied all the power that i have trying to get them to “see the light.”
time and again i have found power in surrender and time and again, i fought surrender with my whole being. living a lie and allowing others to dictate what i was and the nature of my spiritual path, was certainly yet another example. the time wasted on trying to be what i was not and the pain i swallowed every time i gave myself away, is certainly regretful from this vantage point, but when i look at it in the “big picture,” i could not surrender to it, until i was healthy enough to do so and when i did, a whole new world opened up to me.
moving out into the light of this day, i have all sorts of “stuff” i need and certainly want to do. i need to get out and run my weekly 10K. i need to tie myself to the computer and practice, practice, practice, as yesterday's work was not as “good” as i could do. i want to watch some football and enjoy an afternoon in the cigar lounge watching the home team put on their best show. i need to get my vaccines and make a trip to the local bulk product club. what i do know that in the spirit of surrendering to gain greater power, i need to make my plans and allow the outcomes to be what they may be. that is something i can do in the here and now, just for today.

∞ DT ∞