๐ข my personal ๐ข
Posted: Thu, Jun 26, 2025 09:05:16 AM
tragedies can become a shared source of strength. when i was growing up, i was taught by culture and the examples of the adults in my life, that personal tragedies were something one kept close to the vest and to walk through life, as if i was bullet-proof and water-resistant. showing any sort of emotion, other than anger or perhaps joy was seen as weak and feeble. most importantly of all NEVER, EVER, air my dirty laundry in public! as i stayed clean and learned to live a program of recovery, i saw how toxic that sort of thinking and behaving was, for me and certainly for those who loved and cared for me. as i learned to open my heart and my mind, i realized that i had a choice in the matter and i could remain as closed off and emotionally isolated as i ever was or i could allow myself to warm to the comfort of the “we” of the program. as one might be able to tell, i chose the latter.
this morning on this penultimate day of my life in cable TV, i am not stressing, twisting or freaking out, which surprises the every living fuck out of me. on Monday i am unemployed again and yes, i am looking forward to that, as strange as that may sound. i am not freaking out about what may or may not be happening inside my prostate, which after my experience a year ago, is also quite surprising. these are my major concerns and i am doing what i can to deal with them, without getting mind-fucking myself into a place where using seems like a good idea. been there done that a year ago and i made it through clean, by the skin on my teeth. tragedies? yes i have had my share of them: cancer, the death of my parents, aunts and uncles, dealing with estate politics and jail. i made it through all of those and i have an experience of how i did it, to share with my peers, including the dreaded dealing with feelings part.
i may not be an open book, but just for today, i can allow myself the freedom be open with my friends, peers, loved ones and family members. i can share my experience, strength and hope as an equal and hope that they too, can take what i did and find the ways and means to apply it to their lives, whatever they may look like, in this moment. more importantly i can hear their ESH and apply it to my life.
this morning on this penultimate day of my life in cable TV, i am not stressing, twisting or freaking out, which surprises the every living fuck out of me. on Monday i am unemployed again and yes, i am looking forward to that, as strange as that may sound. i am not freaking out about what may or may not be happening inside my prostate, which after my experience a year ago, is also quite surprising. these are my major concerns and i am doing what i can to deal with them, without getting mind-fucking myself into a place where using seems like a good idea. been there done that a year ago and i made it through clean, by the skin on my teeth. tragedies? yes i have had my share of them: cancer, the death of my parents, aunts and uncles, dealing with estate politics and jail. i made it through all of those and i have an experience of how i did it, to share with my peers, including the dreaded dealing with feelings part.
i may not be an open book, but just for today, i can allow myself the freedom be open with my friends, peers, loved ones and family members. i can share my experience, strength and hope as an equal and hope that they too, can take what i did and find the ways and means to apply it to their lives, whatever they may look like, in this moment. more importantly i can hear their ESH and apply it to my life.
∞ DT ∞