Some memes

and strong in my efforts to sustain my recovery seems like a no-brainer this far into my journey and yet i still need a reminders every now and again. it is yet another day off the ranch and i see myself freelancing more and more when it comes to the seed of recovery to frame my day. today, i landed at the end of the SIXTH STEP on my random pick. at first, i almost closed the book to try again, but i took a breath and decided that i would read what i chose to see what i could find in the text. where i settled was the notion that the same effort i applied to maintaining my active addiction, could apply to maintaining my active recovery. it is not as if i am slacking in my maintenance program, but at times, i wonder if it is worth the effort. today may not be one of those days, but i certainly could use a kick in my spiritual ass, as it were, to get moving in actually doing a bit more to foster my recovery. what that more happens to be today, i do not know, but i do know that i am okay today and have made the choice to do whatever it takes to stay clean, no matter what.
this morning as i sit ere enjoying a cigar, i know my spouse is ticked off because i stopped what i was doing and fulfilled her request, even as she said i did not have to do it right then and now. this is a battle i cannot win and so i choose not to fight it. i did what she asked because for me, getting done, as she stood and watched me do it, was the easier softer way, as she has mentioned it twice in the past two days. just as i have to be steadfast and strong in maintaining my recovery, so i have to apply that same idea to maintaining my relationships. i may not like the shifting sands under my feet, but i know that if i am asked to do something, the sooner i take care of it, the better it is for me. as much as i value my time and my serenity, it is often better to look at what is happening in the here and now and make the compromise necessary to take care of bidness. i can say that the irony of her being mad at me because i took care of something in the here and now, does not escape me in the slightest and in fact it brings a sardonic smirk to my face.
stepping forward into this light responsibility day, i can rest assured that if i follow my heart and choose the direction i go, following the flow, i will be alright. i am certainly not in the mood to fight with AI today to get it to express my creative desires. what i am going to do, is not call my health insurance and find out why a third party wants to “manage my health care” nor am i going to lock myself in a battle of wits with my spouse, AI or the powers that be. just for today, i am going to coast through today and see what happens. it is after all a good day to let go of my expectations and see where i end up.

∞ DT ∞