Some memes

addressing a single symptom or substance, i admit my powerlessness over addiction, in whatever form it takes today. i have said it before, and i will repeat it here again: I AM AN ADDICT! i am not addicted to this or that and certainly not some sort of addict. i may take issue with the term “disease” when comes to indescribably what addiction is or is not, but that hardly disqualifies me from recovery. i know that i, even after a minute clean, can still be the “still suffering” addict in any given meeting at any given time. i am also of the opinion that when my peers blow sunshine up our asses when they share at meetings, they really are being more than a bit disingenuous. for me, my message is that life is still life and that despite the tosses and turns that come my way, i stay clean, even when all i want is a twenty minute vacation from reality.
today, i am doing okay and i had a plan that i am attempting to adhere to, specifically have everything done, so i can watch the home team play at eleven o''clock. that plan is quite ambitious and as the morning moves on, it is less and less likely that i will be done by kick-off. i could worry and fret over what i am not doing and cut everything short to comply with my plan, or, as i am choosing to do, just do the next correct thing and let that plan fall by the wayside in a tattered state. the latter choice is a result of doing a bit of step work yesterday, even though i was distracted by playing and i really need to repeat it. i got just enough out of what i read yesterday to see that i cannot “multi-task” while doing my reading and writing. my little experiment off AI and step work was more than a little bit of a fail. what i did get out of what i read yesterday was that making a plan is a good thing, manipulating and short-cutting to bring it to fruition, is not such a good thing. despite my temptation to cut everything short, i will adhere to what i want to do and let go of the artificial constraint of the time i need to have it completed. i guess my time of tolerating living in this house of pain is coming to an end.
so it is off to the great outdoors to get the dawg out for her exercise. the one thing i need to remember, is that is her time and if she wants to “scratch and sniff” i can be okay with allowing her the freedom to do so. i may not get back to my step work this afternoon, but i know that before i open up AI the next time, i NEED to take care of myself and my spiritual condition, or i will certainly be the still suffering addict.

∞ DT ∞