π my thoughtfulness π
Posted: Sun, Oct 11, 2026 12:05:11 PM
is a gift i give and receive. It contributes to my sense of belonging. yes, this might be a Susie Sunshine moment for me, or at least it has all the trappings of being one, in reality, this is one of those topics that is more or less, part of my life. learning how to be thoughtful has been a process. it is still ongoing and no matter how i slice or dice it, i am more thoughtful than ever before, especially towards others. i am becoming more thought towards myself as a result of this step cycle. more than that is really just word soup to check a box saying i did 500 words on how to be thoughtful.
what came from the void and the quiet this morning, was a reflection on the topic of the speaker's share yesterday. i now have some insight why “giving up” as a working definition of surrender was always so toxic for me. that goes directly to my fear that i am weak and feeble and if i give up, then that is the evidence i need to beat myself up and prove how weak and feeble i really am. to cease fighting, my preferred definition, implies that i am coming from a position of strength, rather than weakness. wow, only twenty-nine years or so to realize that the word surrender has been holding me back, because of an innate and irrational fear. this might be the place where a FUCK ME RUNNING, might actually be appropriate, but i am avoid that term to the best of my ability.
anyhow, today my life is good as i eased quite serenely and slowly into this day. yes it is football and cigars on tap for the rest of the afternoon and better yet, time to decompress and let my body feel the burn of my run this morning. it is a good day to surrender to the fact i am an addict and that does not make me any weaker than before i said it. it simply just is, just for today.
what came from the void and the quiet this morning, was a reflection on the topic of the speaker's share yesterday. i now have some insight why “giving up” as a working definition of surrender was always so toxic for me. that goes directly to my fear that i am weak and feeble and if i give up, then that is the evidence i need to beat myself up and prove how weak and feeble i really am. to cease fighting, my preferred definition, implies that i am coming from a position of strength, rather than weakness. wow, only twenty-nine years or so to realize that the word surrender has been holding me back, because of an innate and irrational fear. this might be the place where a FUCK ME RUNNING, might actually be appropriate, but i am avoid that term to the best of my ability.
anyhow, today my life is good as i eased quite serenely and slowly into this day. yes it is football and cigars on tap for the rest of the afternoon and better yet, time to decompress and let my body feel the burn of my run this morning. it is a good day to surrender to the fact i am an addict and that does not make me any weaker than before i said it. it simply just is, just for today.
∞ DT ∞