Some memes

a conscious decision, it is much more than just doing something over and over or showing up when and where i said i would. when it comes to program stuff, commitment can mean all sorts of things: commitment to staying clean; commitment to living the steps; commitment to being present for my friends and family and of course the center of this piece, commitment to choosing to be where i said i would be and do what i said i would. over the course of my recovery, there have been many times when i felt put on upon to be somewhere and do something even though i did not want to be there or do that. what that got me, was a boatload of resentment and a shit ton of expectations that i placed on my peers. neither of which are conducive to my spiritual fitness, today nor at any time in my past.
today, when i look at my existing commitments, to myself, my peers and those who depend on me as well as my fellowship, i do get overwhelmed at times. in all honesty all of them are certainly commitments i choose to honor at this slice in time. none of them, singly represent something i wold choose not to honor but the bulk of them well that is a horse of different color, to use a bon mot. thee are none that i would choose to abandon and when i get the feeling that i may have too many, i have to consider, selfishly, what i get from those commitments: belonging, care, and yes the love and respect of myself. that is the crux of my dilemma which can be resolved in a daily inventory. as i consider what i want to do and what i think i “have” to do i can run it through the filter of what is a better fit for my spiritual fitness. i rarely find that any of my commitments are more than i can handle and that i can choose to release them at any time, even if there is no one else to pick up the slack. i am not bound by them unless i allow myself to be, just for today.

∞ DT ∞