Some memes

support my efforts to be true to myself, to choose actions that align with my aspirations, and to help me spot when i am in trouble. i remember the first time i said i was an addict, it was in front of the judge as we discussed my plea bargain and my possible sentences. at that time, i believed i was lying, as there was no way i had a drug problem i just liked o get high. i played the addict card to get some sympathy from the courts and it certainly worked! even after getting clean and hanging in the rooms, the term “addict” did not apply to me, because my problem was a legal one. it was only at my spiritual and emotional bottom that i finally understood that i was an addict and not some sort of addict and not addicted to this or that, just a plain, ordinary, garden variety addict. it became a simple admission and one i make freely today. i may not buy into the whole “disease” concept, but i do not have to drink the Kool-Ade for this program of recovery to work for me.
one of my peers, who always makes me cringe when they share, has become a “professional” addict, dispensing unsolicited advice and feedback at the drop of a hat. what bugs me the most about this behavior is that they are bringing their work life into the rooms, they have been admonished about this behavior previously in the past, and yet continue to do so. i may have never been a “professional” but like my peer, i, to dispensed all sorts of advice and suggestions, without being asked too do so. it took me a minute to see that my behavior was not helpful and was actually off-putting to the recipient and made me look like some dumb fuck “know-it-all.” a bit of insight from my real friends allowed me to do the self-assessment that i needed to do and make corrections. that behavior, i uncovered, was rooted in my deep insecurity about who i was and my strong desire to look better than i thought i was. i do not know what drives my peer in that direction and it is not my place to wonder or ascribe motives. their behavior reminds me that i no longer need to be anyone, other than who i am.
right here and right now, i am locked out of my AI project, so what i think i will do, is a bit of training, some job search and a quick peek at fantasy football, to see if i can improve my odds of winning this week. it is a good day to be clean and to honestly assess who i am and where my place in the world happens to be, just for today.

∞ DT ∞