โ the more i try to impress others with how right i am, the more wrong i become. โ
Posted: Thu, Oct 12, 2006 07:24:14 AM
but it does feel great to be right, when i am right! :-))
what i have discovered over the brief course of this whole recovery gig, is that the longer i stay clean, the less i seem to know and the more i wonder about things. so before you go running from the room screaming and pulling out your hair, let me explain that last statement.
first off, a bit of context. as the reading suggests some of us may have been, this was my modus operandi. i believed myself to be an authority on everything, even subjects about which i had no clue. i expounded at length on just about any esoteric subject and use my intellect to brutalize my opponents into a state of conceding me another victory. i had to be right at all costs and usually was, but the manner in which i expressed myself may be described as abusive and insensitive, to say the least.
so here i am, with the better part of a decade of recovery under my belt, saying that i know less than when i came to recovery. well the truth is, i probably know a whole lot more, after all i did finish a degree in engineering. but i am comfortable enough to say there is a vast body of knowledge, both practical and academic, that i do not have the foggiest notion about. i can admit that today, most of the time without any hesitation. that does not mean that the idea of being an expert on many things has left my being! what it does mean is that when i am in a spiritual condition when i can truly accept myself, exactly as i am at this moment, i do not have to pretend to have all the answers, some of the answers or even THE ANSWER. and when it comes to realm of recovery and the divine, i am one of the more clueless people around. what i do know is that the program works, i am still clean after nine years, i am a happy productive member of society and i am learning who i really am and becoming excited about who i am becoming. but of course that last bit is a topic for another day. on the subject of the divine nature of things i will be reticent, and just say i have a connection today and am not shy about speaking about things from the realm of GOD.
the reading reminds to check my ego and my motives when asked or not asked to share what i know and learn how to admit that there is a whole world of things and ideas about which i am totally ignorant. after all i am only a human and the acquisition of knowledge is a lifetime pursuit.
what i have discovered over the brief course of this whole recovery gig, is that the longer i stay clean, the less i seem to know and the more i wonder about things. so before you go running from the room screaming and pulling out your hair, let me explain that last statement.
first off, a bit of context. as the reading suggests some of us may have been, this was my modus operandi. i believed myself to be an authority on everything, even subjects about which i had no clue. i expounded at length on just about any esoteric subject and use my intellect to brutalize my opponents into a state of conceding me another victory. i had to be right at all costs and usually was, but the manner in which i expressed myself may be described as abusive and insensitive, to say the least.
so here i am, with the better part of a decade of recovery under my belt, saying that i know less than when i came to recovery. well the truth is, i probably know a whole lot more, after all i did finish a degree in engineering. but i am comfortable enough to say there is a vast body of knowledge, both practical and academic, that i do not have the foggiest notion about. i can admit that today, most of the time without any hesitation. that does not mean that the idea of being an expert on many things has left my being! what it does mean is that when i am in a spiritual condition when i can truly accept myself, exactly as i am at this moment, i do not have to pretend to have all the answers, some of the answers or even THE ANSWER. and when it comes to realm of recovery and the divine, i am one of the more clueless people around. what i do know is that the program works, i am still clean after nine years, i am a happy productive member of society and i am learning who i really am and becoming excited about who i am becoming. but of course that last bit is a topic for another day. on the subject of the divine nature of things i will be reticent, and just say i have a connection today and am not shy about speaking about things from the realm of GOD.
the reading reminds to check my ego and my motives when asked or not asked to share what i know and learn how to admit that there is a whole world of things and ideas about which i am totally ignorant. after all i am only a human and the acquisition of knowledge is a lifetime pursuit.
∞ DT ∞