๐ i was quite ๐
Posted: Sun, Oct 12, 2025 12:52:22 PM
certain that the members in the room when i got clean were lying, if they were like me they could not possibly be that happy and really, no one can stay clean for 30 years, let alone 30 days in a row. not only that, my next thought was that if they were really that happy, they must have been using on the side. i figured that if i hung out for long enough, learned to speak and act as they did, they would invite me out to get high with or at the very least tell me the secret to their success. i was not wrong and i did not have to hang out for very long, before i saw what they has was the result of how they lived and what they did. the line that says ̶if you want what we have to offer, you have to do what we did,” finally made some sense to me.
now that i am on other side of that equation, with a few more than thirty days clean, i can see that my recovery is a precious gift that i did not k=live on a daily basis. i can also see the doubt in the eyes of some of the newer members who seem to think that they, too, are ineligible for finding a way of living that leads to the sort of person i have become. i did not spring from the earth of active addiction in this state and i only maintain it, by doing the work that those whom i doubted suggested that i do. they assured me that it would not kill me, i would learn how to live a life on its own terms and in the end run, might even be grateful that i stumbled into the rooms, when all hope was lost. they were not wrong and i resented some of them for a bit of time, because they were correct and i was so fucking wrong!
today, as i live a program and my life, i get a sense of freedom that i never felt when i was using. sure, i am obsessed with AI these days, but that will change, as i am putting it aside for the day, after getting this little ditty posted. i already have a plan for moving back into upgrading my job skills by coding a few simple algorithms each day. that does not mean i will stop playing with image generation, it just means that instead of focusing on an image, i will help myself become a stronger coder, starting tomorrow.
now that i am on other side of that equation, with a few more than thirty days clean, i can see that my recovery is a precious gift that i did not k=live on a daily basis. i can also see the doubt in the eyes of some of the newer members who seem to think that they, too, are ineligible for finding a way of living that leads to the sort of person i have become. i did not spring from the earth of active addiction in this state and i only maintain it, by doing the work that those whom i doubted suggested that i do. they assured me that it would not kill me, i would learn how to live a life on its own terms and in the end run, might even be grateful that i stumbled into the rooms, when all hope was lost. they were not wrong and i resented some of them for a bit of time, because they were correct and i was so fucking wrong!
today, as i live a program and my life, i get a sense of freedom that i never felt when i was using. sure, i am obsessed with AI these days, but that will change, as i am putting it aside for the day, after getting this little ditty posted. i already have a plan for moving back into upgrading my job skills by coding a few simple algorithms each day. that does not mean i will stop playing with image generation, it just means that instead of focusing on an image, i will help myself become a stronger coder, starting tomorrow.
∞ DT ∞